Change of Heart
by JustLu
Summary: Severus lives. Love ensues. Rated T for potential sexual references. Nothing too hardcore though. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 1**

"Severus Snape."

A voice was calling out to him, waking him from his sleep. When had he fallen asleep? He couldn't remember... He tried opening his eyes but they felt heavy. So did his limbs, unwilling to move. It seemed that his own body didn't obey him anymore. But he didn't want to sleep, he wasn't even tired. Something about that voice was familiar, as it insisted, pronouncing his name again. Severus opened his eyes only to be momentarily blinded by the light surrounding him. He squinted and started to realise that it wasn't light that caused his eyes to hurt. There was no light, no dark either. He looked around; he was sprawled on the floor of a room he hadn't seen before. Everything around him was white, the floor, the walls, everything.

"Am I dead yet?"he asked.

"Not yet."the voice answered him and he spun around to see where it was coming from. Right behind him, the source of the voice, Harry Potter himself.

"I must be. Because this is, clearly, my own personal hell..."he declared but the young man didn't laugh, as he might have expected of him. He didn't even frown. His face remained blank. Apparently, he had something to tell Severus. Something important. "Did you say, not yet?"he asked.

"Severus Snape."Harry Potter started "You have a choice to make."

"How delightful..." Severus retorted sarcastically. "Can't you just leave me alone, Potter? Do you have to torment me, even in death?"

"This is your choice." Harry said in a voice that hardly sounded like his own. "Live or die. Now, chose."

Severus was curious. The whole situation was odd, to say the least. A big, white room and Harry Potter, the last person he wanted to see after his death... And now this choice he was presented with. Live or die. Well... That shouldn't be hard. Sure, he had often thought that upon dying, he would be at peace. Free from all his responsibilities. He had nothing to live for, anyway. But he was only human. The need to survive, no, to go on living, even if there was nothing to live for, was too great. He thought about it. Of course, he wanted to live.

"Why am I given that choice?"he asked. "And who are you?"

Harry Potter smirked in a way that suggested he'd been expecting this reaction. "The reason isn't important. The choice is."he said.

"Who are you?"Severus asked him again, more emphatically this time.

"I am an image your mind created to make you feel comfortable." Harry said and looked very bored.

"Comfortable? Around Harry Potter?"he fought back a laugh. "This isn't real, is it? Is it a dream?"

"No, it isn't a dream."

"I find that very hard to believe..." Severus commented.

"What you believe is of no importance. You must chose. Now. Time is running out. Your time."the boy looked at him, aggravated.

Severus didn't like it one bit. "What's the catch?"he asked.

"Live or die, Severus Snape."Harry said again and he seemed to blur around the edges as he spoke.

Life, Severus thought. Painful, cruel, unforgiving. Death, on the other hand... Peaceful and calm. Quiet. He shivered.

"Live. I want to live!"he shouted, noticing that Potter was almost gone. A gentle smile formed on the boy's fading face before he said "Good choice" and disappeared completely. His voice was just barely heard by Severus who suddenly felt himself being pulled backwards, for what seemed like hours. He considered this to be a trick someone was using to torture him, when his back crashed onto something solid. And cold. He realised he was freezing and a sharp pain went through his body, like an electric shock, causing him to draw a desperate breath.

At least, that's what he tried to do. Because he couldn't seem to draw any air into his lungs. His throat hurt like hell and he remembered what had caused his death in the first place. His vision was foggy but he searched around the room for someone that could help him. There was no one. He gasped. He would die. Again. Alone. He tried to breathe once more and heard the hollow sound that was coming from his throat.

"Professor?"someone screamed, just outside the room. Then, he heard footsteps approaching. Fast, urgent footsteps which gave him hope. "Professor? Can you hear me?"the voice said again and he couldn't focus his eyes to make out who was speaking. In his head, he knew he wanted to nod and let that person know that he still had part of his senses but he wasn't sure he had succeeded. Apparently, he had because he felt a pair of hands trying to lift him up. But they weren't very strong hands because he could still feel the hard floor under his back, still gasping for air.

"It's alright, professor."the voice comforted him. "I've got you now. You're going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine."

"I... can't... breathe..."Severus forced the words out of his mouth.

"That's because you're in shock. Try to calm down. Focus on breathing."she -she?- said and then yelled "Harry! Harry, get in here! He's alive! Come give me a hand!"

Why wasn't she trying to heal him somehow? Couldn't she see the gaping wound on his throat? At that thought, he felt air rushing inside him and his lungs swelled by its force. But how...?

"That's it, professor. You're doing very well."she told him. "Just breathe... Help is coming."

Severus did as he was told and realised his breathing started becoming normal, although it did hurt his chest a little bit. He twitched uncomfortably and heard more footsteps, hurrying inside the room.

"But how?"a new voice said but his ears were buzzing and he couldn't tell who it was. "He was dead before!"the voice continued in astonishment.

"I don't know! Look at him, all his wounds have healed! He's like a new man!"the girl said. "Did you call for help, Harry?"she asked the other person. So it was Potter. The Boy who Lived. Who was the other one?

"Of course I did. Mr. Weasley is coming."he said and moved closer. Severus could feel the floorboards creaking as Harry stood over him. He wasn't ready to speak yet. He kept his eyes shut tight, trying to keep his focus on breathing that felt easier after a while.

"How did that happen?"Harry asked. "You saw him before, right? He was dead, wasn't he?"

"Yes. Quite."the girl said and shifted her weight, taking Severus's head in her lap. She patted his hair softly. He also felt a soft hand gently brush by his forehead, several times.

"Could we have done something? To help him, I mean."Harry uttered, still terribly confused.

"I don't think so, Harry."she said. "As you said, he was dead. What could we have done? There was nothing we..."her voice broke and Severus felt her tremble.

"Hey, don't worry."Harry said. "He looks fine now."

"Oh, I know!"she replied. "He looks even better than before."

"It was good that you suggested coming back here, Hermione." Severus heard Potter say and his eyes opened in shock. He tilted his head upwards to be able to look at the girl who was still holding his head.

"Granger?"he murmured and felt dizzy.

"Yes, sir?"Hermione looked down, her happy eyes meeting the haze in his.

And everything went black.

**A/N: I'm back! With a new story! Enjoy and review! Love you all! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 2**

"Children, I suggest you go get some sleep. Unless you want to check in as patients, the infirmary is not the place for you!"madam Pomfrey said to Harry, Ron and Hermione who were standing over Snape's bed, like watchful dogs.

"Do you really believe that we'll leave him alone?"Harry said.

"There's nothing you can do for him, I assure you. Besides, he won't be alone."the nurse said and her hand motioned around the room where every bed was occupied.

"But what if he needs something?"Hermione protested.

"That's my job, dear girl, not yours."madam Pomfery said again and almost shoved them out the door.

They stood in silence outside the infirmary, not knowing how to begin a conversation. But they all wondered about the same thing. How could Severus Snape still be alive? They were definitely glad that he was but they were also dumfounded. He'd stopped breathing! That was a fact. Harry had checked his pulse, to make sure. There had been no pulse! Not a single indication that the man was alive! Yet, there he was, taking a nap, without any visible wounds and not even a scar. Healed, brand new. Disturbing.

"Do you think he may have faked it?"Ron broke the silence, shrugging.

Hermione shook her head.

"No, he couldn't have." She was certain of it. "We all saw the snake bite him!"

"And there was no chance he would have shown me those memories, unless he was sure he was dying."Harry backed her up.

"How do you explain it then?"Ron asked again.

"I don't know. I've never heard about anything like it!" Hermione tried to remember if she'd ever read about something remotely similar but nothing came to mind. "I know there are potions that can create the illusion that someone's dead... But combined with Nagini's attack, they wouldn't do any good, would they?"

"What if..."Harry was obviously having an epiphany. "Is it possible?"

"We're in the dark here, Harry. Care to fill us in?" Ron urged his friend.

"You know the thing that happened to me... When I died? I was with Dumbledore and he told me I could decide if I wanted to die, for real or go back... What if the same thing happened to him?" Harry explained and looked at his friends, hoping that they would agree with him.

"That was different, Harry." Hermione told him.

"Different how?"he asked her.

"Well, I don't know. I can't explain it really. It just seems different, that's all. And even if it were so, it doesn't make it any less weird. You were very lucky, Harry but what are the odds of the same thing happening twice in one day?"she said.

"Maybe it was Dumbledore's plan, all along." Ron said in a desperate attempt to be included in the conversation.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Powerful as Dumbledore was, I doubt he had the power to raise the dead, Ronald!"

"I have to agree with Hermione on that." Harry said but the truth was, he'd thought about it too. Hearing it out loud made it seem stupid though.

"You need to get some rest, Harry."Hermione was concerned about him. "Speculations will only get us so far. Let's get some sleep. I'm sure you can question him in the morning."

"Sleeping sounds good."Ron said as he yawned.

Harry was feeling very tired too.

"It wouldn't hurt. We're all exhausted, after all. My whole body aches!"he agreed and the three of them headed back to Gryffindor tower.

Severus tossed and turned in his sleep, mumbling a word here and there, all the while dreaming about his life and the space in between his death and resurrection. He wouldn't remember any of it in the morning.

* * *

><p>"Dark Lord Dead: The Boy Lived Yet Again" the title read and the article went on in the same manner, exaggerating every single detail of the battle. Too many people had fought and many had died but the Daily Prophet seemed to focus on Harry and his sacrifice. He didn't like it one bit but he took some pleasure in the hope that the gossip would subside soon. He had served his purpose and there was nothing about him that could possibly interest them anymore.<p>

"Hey, look!" Ron exclaimed. "They have a picture of me in here! I don't look half bad, despite the dirt and the... blood..." He shoved the newspaper away as he remembered how awful it really had been.

Hermione stared at her friends. She couldn't help but bring back the image of their first encounter. They were all innocent and excited about going to Hogwarts. And even though they were equally excited now that their lives would begin anew, she saw them for what they were. Not boys anymore, but men. Worn out and sad. Their childhood had been lost. She couldn't ignore the feeling herself. The battle had been won but there was a lot more to be done before they could put the past behind and become happy again.

"We will be fine!"she cheered. "I know we will!"

They both reached for her hand simultaneously and smiled.

"The worst is behind us, isn't that right?"she asked.

"Yeah..."Ron replied. He was a man of few words. Harry nodded in agreement.

"So, let's start by smiling. Smile the pain away, alright?"she told them.

"I still have to talk to Snape..." Harry said as he pulled his hand back. Ron kept his where it was. Holding Hermione's hand helped him focus.

"It might not be such a good idea, Harry." Hermione scolded him. "Personally, I believe he will want some privacy. For some time, at least. How would you feel if someone came and pestered you with questions right now?"

"You're right, as always, Hermione..." Harry hated to admit that.

At that point, madam Pomfrey approached their table and cleared her throat in order to their draw attention.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, dear children, but, Harry, professor Snape would like to talk to you."

They all turned to her with a shocked expression. That was impossible! Snape asking for Harry, in particular? What a complete and remarkable tranformation of his character!

"Me? Are you sure he asked for me?" Harry asked, unable to believe the words that had left her mouth.

"You are Harry Potter, aren't you?"she said and walked away.

Harry looked at his friends and shrugged. It was just as well, he thought. Spared him the trouble of waiting for a better time. He waved at Ron and Hermione and went to have that chat with Snape. A part of him wanted to run away and hide. He wondered why he was still so afraid of that man. He had fought and defeated Voldemort himself! Surely, Severus Snape was no match for that, despite his gloominess. Having seen his memories though, lifted a bit of his fear. The professor wasn't such a bad man. He was just lonely and sad.

Harry pushed open the heavy door which led to the infirmary and sighed. Snape was sitting up in his bed, looking oddly refreshed.

"Goodmorning, professor."

Severus shook his head in acknowledgement and Harry sat in a chair by his bed.

"So, we won."

"Yes, sir. We definitely did. Much was lost but it's a victory, nonetheless."Harry assured him.

"Are you absolutely certain that the... Dark Lord won't return?" Severus asked again, a worried look in his eyes.

"Yes, sir, absolutely certain. One hundred percent." As Harry said that, Severus let out a long breath and closed his eyes. Harry realised Snape had been afraid. But he didn't have to be. Not anymore. "It's over, sir."he said again.

Severus looked at the young man and found himself oddly comforted by his presence. He wondered whether that was caused by his feelings towards Lily Evans. No. Potter. He searched his heart for the agonizing pain that used to crash him each time he thought of her but came up with nothing. There was a fond memory of her and some affection but not much more. Had he been offered a clean slate? Free from the bonds of his past, free to start over? It was an excellent gift yet, he couldn't help but feel a little angry. Nobody had the right to tear his own feelings away from him.

"Sir?" Harry's voice broke into his thoughts. "Would you mind telling me...? How did you do it?"

"How did I do what, mister Potter?" Severus asked.

"How did you come back? I mean, you did die, didn't you? Of course you did! I checked!"

"Keep rubbing it in, Potter. It makes me feel so much better."he sneered.

"I'm not trying to upset you, sir. I'm simply curious. It's only reasonable, don't you think?"

"Yes, I suppose it is." Severus admitted with a sigh.

"Did you use a potion?" Harry pressed on, encouraged by his reaction.

"You haven't learnt anything during my classes, have you? Even if I had predicted Voldemort's plan for me and taken a potion to prevent Nagini's poison from spreading, I wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding in time. Since I had no way of knowing what he had in mind, the combination of those two did, in fact, kill me."Severus explained. "But I was offered a second chance."

Harry's suspicion was practically confirmed. "By...?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know that. I was simply presented with a choice. Live or die. That's it." Severus wasn't going to admit he had been offered the choice by someone or something that looked like Potter. "I chose to live, obviously."

"Good choice, sir." Harry said and Severus winced, as the tone the boy used, very much resembled the one of his vision.

"Yes, thank you, Potter."he replied. "I think so too."

"I'm sorry to interrupt..." Hermione's voice broke the tension as she approached the two men. "Hello, sir! I'm glad to see you're doing better!"

"What are you doing here, miss Granger?" Severus said harshly but decided he wasn't bothered by her presence, at all.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I didn't mean to impose..."she said apologetically.

"I'm perfectly fine, as you can see. Thank you for your concern."he told her and remembered how soothing her hand had felt on his forehead.

Hermione hadn't expected the gentle timbre of his voice but she welcomed it with a smile. "I suppose madam Pomfrey will be letting you go soon."

"I see no reason for her not too."

His eyes weren't showing any emotion nor did his expression but Hermione thought she saw a little flame dance inside them. Why would she even bother noticing that? It didn't matter, did it? She wondered if he was really a changed man now, at least he seemed to be. Her smile didn't fade when she took his hand, pushed by a most absurd impulse and told him in all honesty "It's good to have you back." And then she forced herself to add "Sir".

**A/N: I forgot to mention it in the first chapter, but it will be slighlty OOC. I can't see it working out any way else.**

**So... What do you think? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 3**

Safe. That's exactly how Severus feels, sitting in his living room, the familiar scent of cinnamon tickling his nostrils. He enjoys his quiet life more than he ever believed he could. No more nightmares about lost loves, no more guilt over things he couldn't have stopped anyway, no more aching... Only one thing has remained unchanged. He's still alone. It doesn't bother him so much, this loneliness. Sometimes, he wishes for company, for someone willing to talk to him or even just sit by him, in silence but those wishes claim mere seconds in the day. They pass by like a breeze of summer wind and they leave nothing behind. In his heart of hearts, he knows he desperately needs a person to call his own, however ludicrous it may sound. Not that he has anyone in mind. Simply a shadow of a companion. Anyone that would approach him moved by affection and not pity, unlike Potter. Who he can't seem to shake off. The young man keeps coming back every now and then. Now, he's not as horrid as Severus had originally thought but too much of Potter still causes him migraines. The other two don't visit him or seem to care about him at all and it's just as well. The routine he has established leaves little time for that kind of visitors anyway. As these thoughts register in Severus's mind, he can't help but wonder... Where did the last two years go? How did time move so fast? And why hadn't he made better use of it?

* * *

><p>"All I'm saying is, I'd like to be included in your plans with Harry!"Hermione hollered in Ron's face. "Is that too much to ask?"she went on and before he could answer, she added "I don't think it is! I understand that you two need to spend 'quality men's time' together but lately, it seems as though you are avoiding me on purpose!"<p>

"You're being unreasonable!" Ron exploded. "How could I have known that you wanted to join us? We went to a Quidditch game, Hermione! Not exactly to your liking, is it?"

"It's not just this once! Every time you go out, it's you and Harry! You've created this formula of fun that has no place for me and I don't like it! We used to hang out together, all the time!"she told him.

"Yeah, we did! When you were actually a fun person to hang out with! You've become a constant source of nagging and pouting! Can you really blame us?"

Hermione's jaw dropped. She couldn't believe her ears. How could Ron even think that? How could Harry, for that matter? It didn't seem right. She's felt a bit depressed for some time but isn't that what friends are for? To cheer you up when you felt bad? Well, that's what she would have done for them.

"So, you've talked it through with him and decided that I'm not good enough to be around anymore? Just push silly, old Hermione away, so she doesn't spoil your mood? Unbelievable! How many times have I sat around, listening to your problems? Your worries?"she yelled with tears threatening to roll down her cheeks.

"That's not what I meant!"he replied, sounding confused and a little bit guilty. "I know you're not happy and you have every right not to be. You thought your life would turn out differently and now you're disappointed. But it's not our fault that we've made something of ourselves!"

"You lousy, little..."she stopped herself before she could say something she'd regret. "Made something of yourselves? Jobs were offered to you the minute you set foot outside of Hogwarts! You didn't have to do anything but chose one! You didn't strive for them! They were gifts! Gifts for the heroes of war! Nobody else was treated the same way!"

"You were offered jobs too! You just didn't want them!"Ron said.

"I wanted a job, Ronald! But I also wanted to be worthy of it!"

"Too good then, are you? Unlike us?"he accused.

"You know what? I'm definitely better than you!"she said in frustration. "You're not even that good at what you do! All you have to do is watch your post and you even fail at that!"

"I would like to see you try doing that! You can't even use a broom!"

"Wonderful! Just wonderful! If I'm that useless, what are you even doing with me?"she said, tears running from her eyes freely.

"I have no idea..." Ron said and stormed out of their flat, leaving Hermione alone, once again. They'd been fighting a lot lately and she knew it was mainly her fault. She couldn't help it really. Everything had gone wrong and it wasn't so easy to accept. But she had to face facts. Her life seemed hopeless, meaningless. She had no one to comfort her. Maybe a few drinks would help calm her down and by the time Ron came back home, they would both be in better spirits. Maybe they would kiss and make up. Oh, how she wished they would!

**A/N: A bit short but the next one will be longer, I promise! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 4**

The Hog's Head might have not been the best place to chose for one's entertainment but it was too late now, Severus thought as he walked through the door. Nothing had changed. Even time refused to pass by here. Which was why he had chosen it in the first place. Still, the filthy floors his robes were brushing, made him shiver in contempt. He found the darkest corner there was and sat there, having a couple of drinks. At some point, the door opened, allowing the cold wind to rush inside and he glanced over to see who it was. Hermione Granger!She was the last person he'd expect to see here! He hoped she wouldn't notice him. She seemed too focused on emptying one glass after the other however and after a while, he was sure she couldn't even recognize him. What reason did she have to drink so much? Weasley's absence didn't bode well. Who would take the poor, drunk woman home? "That's none of your business!"he chastised himself.

About an hour later, he decided to try and exit the pub without being seen. He'd watched Hermione mix several drinks and marvelled at her stomach's ability to hold them. She should pass out soon... Despite his better judgement, he went closer, forgetting his plans of a hasty departure. "Well, if it isn't Severus Snape!"Hermione exclaimed as soon as she detected him moving by her. Her breath reeked of alcohol and he winced. How could she still be standing? Perhaps she could handle herself better than he thought. "Decided to sneak out of your hole, have you?"

"How are you, miss Granger?"he greeted her politely.

"Perfectly fine, as you can see!" A little stagger and she found herself supported by him in a very awkward position. "Maybe I had a little too much to drink, hmm?"she said close to his nose. "And stop calling me 'miss Granger'. I'm not your student anymore!" With that, she pushed him away and stood proudly on her own.

"One more glass of whatever it is you're drinking and you'll be lying on the floor shortly." Severus said calmly and she took one more sip. "Come now, miss Granger. Stop behaving like an idiot."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'm an adult!"Hermione whispered menacingly and under the dim light, Severus saw that her eyes weren't as hazy as they should be. She was drunk, yes, but not as much as to worry him.

"And where is your fiance, if you don't mind me asking?"he inquired.

Hermione snorted. "I don't even care..."she sung and grinned at him.

"Is that so?"Severus asked, raising his brow.

"Yes, that is so."she confirmed.

He leaned on the bar, next to her. "Don't you think you've had enough for one night?"

"How else am I supposed to drown my sorrows?"she told him with watery eyes.

"Sorrows? I thought your life was perfect."Severus commented.

"It was. Not anymore though! I am a great disappointment, as it would seem!"she shouted, smiling sadly.

"Disappointment? You?" He was shocked to hear her say that. She was Hermione Granger, for goodness sake!

"Don't sound so surprised! I can be as disappointing as the next person! I'm unemployed, practically a housewife! My friends avoid me... Ron would rather watch Quidditch than spend some time with me..."her voice faded. "But I guess I should be more grateful. At least, I'm alive, right?"

"All those things can be mended."he said, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder. "I'm confident that your fiance appreciates you more than you think. As do your friends."

Hermione hid her face behind her palms. "I hate him so much sometimes..."

"You don't mean that."

"Stop patronizing me!"she yelled and slapped his hand away.

Severus shook his head a few times. "Let me take you home, miss Granger."he offered while wondering what could have happened to the happy couple to make her act this way.

"No."she said stubbornly.

"Fine." He took her hand and placed it on his arm. Her eyes shot up at his face. "Let's take a little walk then. It will help clear your head."

Hermione did as she was told because her mind was foggy. But in the back of her head, she was thinking "That's not bad at all". She leaned on him, letting him guide her. When they stepped out of the Hog's Head, everything was white. When did it start to snow? Never mind. It was too pretty. Severus would like to wrap his arm around her, to keep her warm. Yes, yes, that was the reason. The fact that she used to be his student never left his thoughts but she was clearly not that little girl anymore. That much he could see. The small body next to him radiated warmth and his heart beat faster. He tried to control it, to make it stop its frenzy but to no avail.

"Look at all that snow!"she said dreamily and then, started to shiver. "I'm so cold..."

Reluctantly, Severus untangled his arm from her hand and finally, threw it over her shoulders, pulling her closer. To prevent her from freezing, he reasoned. To prevent her from freezing... Hermione leaned her head on his chest and sighed. The sound made him uncomfortable.

"Thank you..."she whispered. "No one's been so kind to me in a while."

"I refuse to believe that."he said.

"But it's true. I'm so lonely... You can't imagine what it's like..."

"Can't I, miss Granger?"he sneered.

"It's different for you. You enjoy solitude."

"No, I don't!"Severus exclaimed, a little more enthusiastically than either of them would have liked.

"You don't?"Hermione asked.

"Of course not!I'm flesh and bones, just like you. Just like anyone. Of course I don't want to be alone."he replied and wondered what was making him confess those things to her. She peeked at his face, wondering the same. She could feel a little closer to him, having heard that. His eyes suggested he was miles away and she wished she could be there with him, wherever that was. Suddenly, Snape became someone she hadn't met before. Someone she could relate to, not her old professor. Definitely not old. Under the influence of alcohol, her eyes strayed to his lips, that thin line she used to hate and she wondered... She wondered...

"I'm seeing stars..." Her voice was barely audible when she spoke again. "Stars, everywhere..."

He turned his head to the sky and then, looked down to her.

"How can you be seeing stars? There's..."

She interrupted him with a kiss. His eyes widened in surprise as her mouth bumped into his but he couldn't stop her. The softness of her lips combined with his need for affection, caused him to drop his guard. He cupped her cheek and completely lost himself in that kiss, almost certain he would regret it later. Hermione threw her arms around his neck and dug her fingers in his long hair, as the kiss became more fierce. She whispered his name in his mouth and he felt weak in the knees. They shouldn't be doing that. She was drunk, it was wrong. He tore himself away from her and she almost fell down.

"This is madness!"he told her, scouting the area for anybody who may have witnessed the scene. "You've had too much to drink!"

Hermione took a step closer. She extended both her arms to him, a call to bring him back in her embrace. "I'm not that drunk."she said, even though she was.

"You'll hate yourself for this in the morning." Severus was sure of that.

"I have so many reasons to hate myself for, this would pale in comparison." She offered him a smile, so sweet, so captivating that he serisoulsy considered kissing her again. "Trust me."she told him as her arms dropped to her sides.

"What about your fiance?" That image of youth and fame hurt him deeply.

"Don't worry about meaningless things like that." Hermione couldn't believe she could have ever said that but in that moment, she meant it.

"Meaningless?" The word sounded inaccurate, somehow but the way she was looking at him wouldn't let him think straight. Seeing his hesitation, Hermione moved forward and grabbed his hands, placing them on her waist.

"Right now, nothing matters but you and me." She let her cheek touch his and whispered directly into his ear. "I don't want to go home."she said and allowed her lips to touch his neck. Severus threw his head back, completely losing his ability to think.

"You... don't know what you're doing, miss Granger..."he said.

"Don't call me 'miss Granger' while I'm trying to seduce you."

"Is that what you were trying to do?"

"What did it look like?"she said, burying her face in his chest. His fingers squeezed her waist violently and she moaned.

"It looked like you were trying to drive me mad."he whispered at the top of her head.

"That could work just as well."Hermione said and encouraged by his husky voice, she placed a gentle peck on his chin. He didn't pull away but when she tried to reach for his lips again, he didn't allow it.

"Miss Granger..."

"Call me 'miss Granger' one more time..."she threatened, her eyes ablaze and he couldn't resist anymore. He wondered whether that fiery gaze had the ability to turn his life into a pile of ashes. Ashes would be an improvement of what he called life nowadays, he decided. When he kissed her again, she melted in his arms. Ron Weasley became a distant image of a person she used to know when she was young. The severe consequences of her actions didn't matter anymore and the world vanished, as the stars she was seeing before started to dance. She felt dizzy and she held on to Severus because she was afraid that if she fell down now, the moment would pass and they wouldn't be able to recapture it. Her lips were beginning to feel sore; still in a daze she decided she didn't want to become a spectacle.

"Let's go somewhere else."she begged, ending their second kiss.

Severus was taken aback. He didn't expect this to turn into something more but her voice implied it would. Sweat started forming on his temples.

"Please."Hermione insisted.

"Are you sure?"he asked. "I wouldn't want you to-"

Her palm covered his mouth. "Enough with your words. Stop talking."she said as her other hand travelled up and down his back. Without another word, he Disapparated them to the place he called home.

**A/N: Hello, hello, hello! Chapter 4, hmm? Tell me what you think! And also, thank you so much for the reviews and the favourites and everything! Really, thank you! You are all lovely! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 5**

Hermione wanted to rub her eyes but at the same time, she was afraid to move. Damn, she was afraid to even breathe! The sun had rushed through the window, waking her up, only to make her realise, she wasn't in her own bed. As she remembered the events of the night before that had led her in this awkward situation, her heartbeat quickened and with it, came a distant hope that she could actually have a heart attack and be spared the humiliation of quickly gathering her clothes from the floor of her professor's room! She dared a peek to the side of the bed where Severus Snape was still sleeping. His back was turned to her and she couldn't see his face but somehow, she knew he was peaceful and possibly, dreaming of something nice. She smiled at the thought and acknowledged that last night was the most fun she's had in years. Getting drunk, walking with Snape's arm wrapped around her, the snow and... Well... Everything was perfect. But that was Severus Snape, not Ron, not her fiance. It was wrong.

"I know you're awake."his voice surprised her. "If it would make you feel more comfortable, I'll remain like this, with my back turned, until you are dressed."

"Yes, thank you."Hermione said and hurried to the pile of clothes next to the bed, trying to figure out which were hers. Her head felt heavy but she had to press on. Once fully clothed, she tried to fight the urge to start running and maybe, say a few words before fleeing the scene of the crime. Severus turned to lie on his back and looked at her, wondering what she was feeling at that moment. Wondering what he was feeling as well. "So..."she said again, tugging at a lock of her hair.

"You don't have to make small talk, miss Granger. You can just leave."Severus said.

She winced at his words. Mainly because he called her "miss Granger" again, after everything that had happened between them. Also because, a few minutes ago, she wanted to disappear from the room and now, having been allowed to do so, she wanted to stomp her foot and yell at him that she was not some kind of floozy he could dismiss so easily.

"Do you want me to leave?"she managed to say in a normal tone.

"I don't know."he replied and closed his eyes.

"It's a simple question!"Hermione raised her voice. "Either you want me to leave or you don't!"

Severus raised his hands to his head and started rubbing his temples. "And I gave you a simple answer. I don't know."

He got up and went to get his clothes. Hermione gasped and covered her eyes with her hand. "What a childish thing to do" she thought, "you've already seen whatever there was to see. You have slept with the man, for goodness sake!"

"Don't tell me you're suddenly feeling shy, miss Granger."he mocked her.

"One of us has to!"she wheezed.

She heard the sound of fabric rubbing together but didn't lower her hand until he had verbally confirmed that he was "decent". One look at him and his usual attire of black robes, made her feel like she was being graded for her behaviour, even though she hadn't been anyone's student for some time now.

"Would you be interested in having a cup of tea? Or coffee, if you prefer."he kindly offered and a part of her hated that she had to decline.

"It's very nice of you but I have to, umm, go home..."she whispered timidly. "Ron will be wondering where I am."

"Ah, of course. How stupid of me! Your fiance must be worried. Yes, be a good girl and run along then, miss Granger. I wouldn't want you to get into trouble!"Severus voice dripped sarcasm as a cloud settled in his eyes.

"Listen..."Hermione tried to seem composed. "We are both adults here. I think we can handle this maturely, right?"

"I don't believe there's much to handle, miss Granger. What's done is done. You are going home to mister Weasley and I'm going to have a cup of tea. That's all."he told her and started inspecting his wand to avoid eye contact.

"How can you be so indifferent? What about the consequences of what we did?"she shouted, finally stomping her foot. "And why don't you use my name, for once?"

"I doubt there will be consequences. Hermione."Severus said and she shivered. "I assure you, I don't intend to start gossiping about last night and if you will do the same, I don't see how anyone will know."

"But we will know! Have you no conscience?"Hermione said more calmly.

"In order to feel guilty about something I've done, I would have to care for the people that could potentially be hurt by it. I don't really care about mister Weasley."he said. "I don't think I've betrayed him somehow." After a small pause, he added "Hermione".

"That's not the point!"she told him.

"What is the point?"

"I... You can't... Just..."Hermione struggled with coherence.

"The notorious Hermione Granger is at a loss for words? I never thought I'd live to see the day!"Severus said and rolled his eyes.

"This isn't easy for me!"she protested.

"Yes, I can see that. I offered you a way out, Hermione. You could have used it."

"Can't you try and be a bit nicer to me?"

"I thought I was being nice."he said sternly. "After all, you can only expect so much kindness from a man-whore..."

"Well, then... Severus."she crossed her arms on her chest and glared at him, insulted by the insinuation that she had used him. But she had, hadn't she? "I would wish you a good day but I don't feel like it anymore... Goodbye."she said and walked out the door, thinking it would make her exit much more dramatic and she Disapparated when she reached the living room.

Severus hated feeling lonely. He had been feeling that way for a long time but after last night he had hoped that his loneliness would be relieved. Perhaps, not all at once but gradually. The way Hermione had talked to him, the soft words she had whispered in the dark, reminded him of that time when she had held his head in her lap and comforted him. He had hoped... Oh, why had he done that? He should have known better. The moment he realised she had woken up and stiffened next to him and then, when she refused to have a cup of tea with him, his old self emerged and he couldn't stop being rude and sarcastic even though, what he really wanted was to ask her to stay. Please, just stay, only for a while. Show him a glimpse of what it would be like, waking up next to someone, smiling over breakfast, ordinary, simple things that he had never experienced. Severus decided he should forget all about her because he feared he might fall in love again and that hadn't gone so well the first time.

Hermione stood in her room, looking at the double bed she and Ron shared which seemed like it hadn't been slept in. Despite the fact that she had cheated on him, she felt very angry that he had also spent the night somewhere else. She decided to take a shower; as if water and soap could wash away the guilt. She couldn't stop thinking about Snape's hands, travelling all over her body though. That was pointless. Why didn't Ron ever make her feel that way?

"Hermione?"Ron's voice came from the other side of the door. "Are you mad? I swear I didn't do anything wrong! I slept at Harry's place, honest! And that was only to give you some time to calm down, I didn't do it out of spite!"he apologized for not returning home.

"I will only forgive you, if you make me coffee."she shouted, in order to be heard over the sound of running water. It would be hypocritical if she couldn't forgive him for something so innocent, when she had slept with... No! No thinking about it anymore! Nothing happened. Nothing... She joined Ron in the kitchen and sat at the chair next to his, picking up a cup full of hot coffee. "Thank you" she said, avoiding his eyes. She really loved him, she thought, no matter how awful he could occasionally become.

"Last night" Ron started, "I said some terrible things. I didn't mean any of it. You must know that! I mean... I love you very much! You're the only one for me and I didn't mean to hurt you! You know how I get, when I'm angry. I blurt out the most stupid things that come to mind! I'll try to stop. I will! But you have to work with me, Hermione! You have to stop being so depressed all the time! It's not good for you! It's not good for us!"

"I know, Ron... You're right. We both said things we regret." Hermione shook her head, remembering what she had done. "I promise I'll change. I'll do my best! I will do anything it takes! Just don't storm out like that again, alright?"

"I won't! Never again, I swear!"he replied and pulled her in his arms, squeezing the breath out of her.

Hermione knew it was inappropriate but her thoughts turned to Severus once more. His scent alive in her memory, his arms, his lips... She shut her eyes and tried to forget him.

**A/N: We're far from the end, people! Don't lose hope! (And thank you, for your support and kind words!) :)  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 6**

The owl looked at Severus with its large eyes. The bird couldn't possibly understand what was in the letter it had delivered, yet it seemed to know all too well. "Answer the letter, Severus", the urgent stare told him, "even if her words don't allow for a reply". Maybe it was simply what he wanted to believe but it didn't matter. The owl hooted once and waited. In a manner that didn't suit him at all, Severus tried to pet the bird but it pulled back, astonished at his audacity. He sighed and read the letter once more.

"Professor Snape". He snorted at the title. It was her who had insisted to be called by her first name and now, she had taken it back, adressing him in a formal tone. "I sincerely hope you can forgive the way I spoke to you the other day. It isn't like me to be disrespectful and I feel awful for having been so rude to you! That said, I think it would be most wise if we forgot all about what happened between us. It wouldn't do either of us any good if anybody found out, don't you agree? Maybe, eventually, we will be able to see each other as friends". Signed, Hermione Granger... He pushed the piece of parchment away and looked at the owl that was still staring at him. A little voice -which he hoped wasn't the owl's- echoed in his mind. "You will write back. You know you want to." Well, of course he did but it didn't make sense to want that! Hermione was engaged to a handsome young man. What would make her throw that away? Not him... Either way, he started to compose a letter. It was the polite thing to do, he reasoned.

"Miss Granger", he stabbed each word on the paper before him, watching the ink settle. "You must know that by now, I have become accustomed to rudeness, thusly, your manner didn't affect me at all." Severus wondered if she would see through his lie. In a very confusing mood, he wasn't certain if he wanted her not to. "The possibility of friendship between the two of us seems absurd, at the very least, seeing as we have nothing in common. Among other reasons. You can go on with your life. I'm sure my absence from it won't make any difference. Do not bother me with your annoying need to make amends." Violently biting his lip, he signed his name under the angry words and then, shoved the letter in the poor owl's beak. The bird looked at him, contempt obvious on its face -was that even possible?- and it flew out the open window to carry out its task. For a split second, Severus thought about calling the owl back but since he didn't know its name, he gave up and started wallowing in self pity.

"Hello, Rufus, darling!"Hermione told her owl as he flew by her head. "What took you so long?". Noticing he was carrying an envelope, she took it and offered him a treat and the bird hooted happily before taking it. She held the letter in her hands for a moment. Ron was still asleep and she figured she had enough time to read and then hide it somewhere, or even better, burn it. Her eyes ran over the lines and anger overwhelmed her. She scribbled a quick answer on the back of the parchment "You will see me tonight." and sent a reluctant Rufus on his way again.

Severus threw the piece of paper in the fireplace. "I'm definitely not going" he tried to convince himself.

* * *

><p>As he brushed ashes from his robes, Severus wondered what had possessed him and made him go to Hermione after all the very serious reasons he had thought of to prevent this meeting. He stood in front of her fireplace, taking in the details of his surroundings and couldn't help but notice all the photos of her and her smiling fiance scattered around their living room. The woman herself was standing by the fireplace, her arms crossed on her chest.<p>

"I'm glad you could make it."Hermione told him but her tone betrayed anything but gladness.

"Against my better judgement, I assure you."he replied. "Where is mister Weasley?"

"Ron isn't here. His team is playing tonight. He won't be home until tomorrow."she said and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for him to do the same. "We need to talk. Talk, not yell at each other."

"As I am sure you know"he said , sitting down "I do not yell."

"I do. Loudly. But I will try not to lose my patience, I promise..." She nodded. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you."Severus said and crossed his hands on his lap.

Hermione marvelled at his ability to remain calm under any circumstance. She was striving to keep her heartbeat steady and her mind clear but his proud stance only made her more uncomfortable. If he felt guilty about anything, he managed not to show it. Was that admirable or stupid? She couldn't again, why should it matter?

"Your invitation makes me assume that you do not trust me to keep our secret." Severus told her, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. "I have kept secrets much more serious than this, believe me."

"It's not a matter of trust, Severus!"Hermione protested. Yes, she had called him by his name once more. It was becoming easier not to think of him as "professor Snape" but simply "Severus". It had a nice ring to it... "I simply want to make sure there are no misunderstandings and most of all, no hard feelings."

"What makes you think there are any feelings at all?"he asked, raising his brow. He looked at her and took pleasure in her mildly hurt expression which she managed to hide quickly. There was an amount of vanity inside her that he wished to stomp out with his cruelty. Not because he wanted to hurt her though, not really.

"I wasn't implying that there are. I know your heart belongs to someone else and I do not wish to claim it!"she spat.

"Did you ask me to come here so we could discuss about hearts and love and such, miss Granger? I find the subject very boring..."Severus couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.

"Was it someone else who confessed to me that he didn't want to be alone, then?" Hermione mocked him. "Because I distinctly remember you saying that. Am I wrong?"

"Do you also remember how I tried to persuade you to go home to your fiance while you tried to... seduce me, as you said? Or do you suffer from selective memory?"he smirked.

"I remember what I said..."she admitted. "But I was drunk and-"

"You were not that drunk!"Severus interrupted her. He stood up and started pacing to calm his thoughts. His previous resolve of remaining completely unaffected by what would be said flew out of the window. "Don't you dare accuse me of taking advantage of you! Don't you dare! I'm not an old pervert, searching for inebriated girls to abuse!"

Hermione stood up from her seat and approached him. "I wasn't going to accuse you of anything! Believe me, I know I was to blame!"she screamed, her cheeks blushing, due to both shame and anger. "This past week, I've been replaying my actions in my head, trying to justify my behaviour but I can't! You stopped me and I went on and that is torturing me! Whatever problems Ron and I have, it was wrong of me to..."she paused.

"You are a grown woman! You can say it!"Severus urged in agitation. "You slept with me! We had sex!"

Hermione could feel her cheeks burning. "I was going to say, it was wrong of me to cheat on him..."she whispered and then decided to attack him too. "And it's not the deed itself but thinking about it that I regret the most!"she yelled. "It's easy for you to sleep peacefully at night because you can do no wrong to a dead person! After all, you can't cheat on a memory! But Ron is alive and he's real!"

"I would advise you to be careful with your words, miss Granger..."Severus threatened.

"Don't you tell me what to do! I'm upset and-"

"And that gives you the right to say anything you damn well please?"he interrupted once more. "I'm upset as well! Did you hear me calling you a whore?"

Her hand landed on his cheek before he even realised she had raised it. He rubbed the sore skin and gritted his teeth. The blow wasn't that hard but his pride was deeply wounded. Closing his eyes, he started counting and breathed heavily when he heard Hermione gasp.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"she said. "You're bleeding!"

"Don't be an idiot! You didn't hit me that hard!"he said in order to comfort her, oddly enough.

"My ring..." She held up her hand. Severus opened his eyes and saw the dreaded jewel glisten under the light. It felt almost impossible to stop himself from tearing it off her finger and throwing it in the cozy fire but he stood in his place.

"My ring..."Hermione said again and looked at it herself. Then, she went closer to him and wiped the blood from his cheek. The small, cool hand against the fire of his skin made him inhale deeply and all his anger evaporated.

"I'm so, so sorry, Severus!"she told him and her eyes welled up. "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"I didn't mean to call you a whore..." Severus said, apologizing in his way and took her hand, removing it from his face but instead of letting it go at once, as he had intended, he held it tightly in his. He gazed in her eyes and found them captivating in all their sadness, and even though he wished she wouldn't start crying, he couldn't look away.

"Well, in a way, I deserved it." A small shy smile appeared on her lips. "Let's not fight anymore..."she said and squeezed the hand holding hers.

"I cannot be your friend..."he whispered, hoping to put and end to this madness, hoping that she wouldn't write or ask to see him after this night. "I do not want to be your friend."he stressed.

"Why not? I'm a good person! I haven't treated you nicely so far but I can do better! If you give me time... I promise I can do better!"Hermione whined, forgetting that they were still holding hands.

"I don't question your kind nature. I know you are a good person, I always have."he told her.

"Why then?"she let go of his hand as she raised her voice.

"Why? How can you even ask that?"he retaliated.

"I want to know the reason! Is that too much to ask?"Hermione said and stabbed his chest with her index finger.

Severus grabbed her arm violently. "The reason? The reason is that every time I look at you, I remember how your lips felt on mine! I remember the things you whispered in my ear! The way your touch made me feel! It isn't fair of you to ask me to put myself through this each time we meet and pretend that we are mates! You ran back into your fiance's arms and forgot everything but I didn't!"he hissed in her face.

Hermione gulped looking into the black pools that were his eyes. Forget? She hadn't forgotten. How could she? Even now, when he was so mad at her, she could feel the flames inside, threatening to swallow her whole and despite how bad she wanted to avoid it, she felt drawn to him. His mouth was inches from hers and she knew that with the smallest of movements, her lips would touch his and it would be too hard to stop from that point.

"Maybe I will, eventually."Severus continued. "But for now... Friendship? It's a joke! And if you can't see that, you are a fool! You want to clear your conscience? Find some other way to do it! Your damned ring has already done me enough harm!"

She pulled back, jerking her arm and freeing it from his grip. Her mind was screaming but she couldn't hear it as she took off her ring and placed it on the coffee table. Then she turned back and looked at Severus who understood what she was thinking. She took one step closer to him.

"No."

She didn't stop. "Why not?"she retorted.

"Are you crazy, woman? What were we just talking about?"he said, slightly intimidated by her determined look.

"This is different."she said.

"How?"Severus asked.

"I'm not drunk, for one."Hermione chuckled awkwardly. "It would also be the last time."

He didn't want to hear that. In fact, he wished he could erase the first time too because reminded of it, he felt his entire body respond to her invitation. He didn't want to give into the temptation but at the same time, it was all he wanted. Oh, the fall would be so much harder this time! The thing he had feared was already happening, no, it had already happened! Why else would he be standing there? He had already fallen. He had crashed... She came to a stop before him and stood on her toes, waiting for him to kiss her. She was absolutely sure that once he did, he wouldn't be able to stop either. Severus placed his hands on her waist and kept her at a safe distance. He'd used logic to stay away from her so far and it was failing him. This wasn't a random stranger, standing before him. It was Hermione Granger; insufferable, annoying know-it-all, brave, kind... The very person that went back for him when everybody else had given up. The one who had assisted him when he came back to life, the one who had reminded him how to breathe... He felt a lump building in his throat.

"Taking your ring off doesn't make you any less engaged."he tried to reason with her.

"Pushing me away doesn't make you any less willing."she retorted and pulled him close. She could force him to give into her request but a part of her wanted him to be overcome with passion, just as she was and let himself act on it.

"Hermione..."he whispered, holding on to the last traces of self control. "If you don't stop this..."

"What will you do?"Hermione murmured next to his ear and her lips grazed the injury on his cheek. Severus buried his hand in her hair and pulled her close, kissing her before she had the chance to say or do anything else. He was stealing moments, stealing kisses from her smiling mouth, inhaling her breath so that later, he could breathe on his own, without her. His heart started beating faster and faster as she pushed him towards the bedroom and Severus didn't stop to think from that point on.

Later that night, Hermione woke up, sore and possibly bruised but utterly blissful, only to realise that Severus had sneaked out and left while she was sleeping. It was for the best, she decided, as she retrieved her ring from where she had left it and put it back on her finger. She raised her hand and looked at it but with the lights turned off, the stone wouldn't shine. But isn't it supposed to always shine, she thought and with a sigh, she went back to bed.

**A/N: Another chapter. Tell me if you like it! Even if you don't, tell me what you think** **I**** should fix! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 7**

It had been two weeks since Hermione last saw Severus Snape and despite what she had told him that night, she couldn't stop thinking about him and how he was doing. She wasn't sure why that was happening but it did and it was making her life harder. On the other hand, Ron was doing exactly what he had promised. He included her in his plans, he spent more time with her and small things like that which would have excited her before. He even wanted to discuss the subject of their wedding. Even though most girls would have been thrilled to have this talk with him, Hermione smiled awkwardly and her stomach clenched. Suddenly, the idea of marriage wasn't welcome. Not because of Ron. Maybe she simply wasn't ready yet, maybe she needed a little more time...

"Don't you think it's time we set a date?"Ron asked over dinner, picking at a piece of meat. "We've been engaged long enough, right?"

"There's no rush, Ron. Besides, I don't even have a job yet..."Hermione contradicted.

"Don't you have an interview at the Ministry next week?"he said.

"Yes, I do. But since I was never good at Divination, I don't know how that will go. And to be completely honest, I'm not sure I want that job. I think I'd be much more happy and comfortable in a teaching position."she told him.

"Teaching, huh? Yeah, that seems more fitting, what with your love of books and all... But I don't think Hogwarts is in need of teachers at the moment."Ron rubbed his chin absentmindedly.

"It wouldn't hurt to ask though. I was thinking of owling Headmistress McGonagall, just to ask, you know? Maybe she could keep me in mind when something came up."

"You should do that. You're right, it wouldn't hurt. But I still don't know how that would work out later. I mean, what will happen when we decide to start a family? You wouldn't be able to live at the castle. But with a job at the Ministry, it would be easier for you."

"Whereas you would be free to travel around the world for your job?"Hermione snapped at him.

"I don't control where the games take place, it's not my fault!"he defended himself.

"That's not what I'm saying! But are you seriously asking me to sacrifice my dreams and do something I don't particularly like just in case we have children in the future? That's not fair, Ronald!"she cried.

"Just in case? I thought that was the point of getting married! To have a family! Families include children, Hermione! They kind of come with the package, you know? And I only have your best interest in mind!"Ron yelled back. "It would be exhausting to work as a teacher at Hogwarts!"

"Of course it would be! The things that matter most always are! You have to work hard and get tired and strive!"she said.

"Well, excuse me but I happen to believe that when something is right, it's simple and easy and it comes naturally! If you have to strive for it, then it's not right for you!"

"Is it possible that we really have nothing in common?"Hermione said, giving up.

"I'm not hungry anymore."Ron said, putting down his fork and left the kitchen.

Hermione heard him go upstairs and slam the bedroom door. Going after him and trying to talk calmly would certainly be the right thing to do but she didn't feel like it. Instead, she decided to compose that letter to McGonagall. When it was finished, she sent Rufus to deliver it -time was of the essence- and sighed as he flew out the window, knowing that she had no more excuses to keep her away from Ron who was probably still steaming. She climbed the stairs hesitantly at first but realising no sound was coming from their room, she ran the last few steps and her body collided with the door which almost became unhinged.

"Ron?"she shouted in the darkness.

"What? What happened?"a sleepy Ron answered, jolting and almost falling off the bed. "Is everything alright?"he said and grabbed his wand.

Hermione exhaled deeply. For a moment, she'd thought that he had left again. Relieved, she slipped out of her clothes and crawled into bed beside him. "Everything's fine."she told him. "Go back to sleep." In the dark, she felt his arm slither around her waist and heard him mumble something incomprehensible.

"Ron?"Hermione whispered.

"Mmmm..."he responded.

"I love you..."she said. "I really do. Sometimes though, I think we are completely wrong for each other. We've been happy in the past but lately... Aren't we just miserable? I don't want to be miserable, Ron. I don't want you to be either!"she went on, still whispering. "And I don't want to lose you. The mere thought causes me pain. But I feel like we're already lost... What do you think?"

Ron responded with a snore.

"Of course you're asleep... The one time I find the courage to be honest, you're asleep."she said, looking at the ceiling. "Well then, while we're at it, I slept with Snape. And it was amazing." She didn't mind the snore that came after her confession.

In the morning, she thanked every divine being that Ron hadn't heard. Even if she decided to break off their engagement, telling him about her little affair wouldn't be the right thing to do. A strange feeling of peace suddenly engulfed her when Ron kissed the top of her head before going to practice. His smile couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes which matched hers and Hermione wondered whether he had reached the same conclusion. One word rang in her head: incompatible. It echoed violently, even after he'd left and it made her ears buzz. And it could be ignored no longer.

Why couldn't Ron understand her? Why couldn't he accept her the way she was? Sure, having a big family would be nice, she'd really like that. But she didn't want to be stuck inside the house, cooking and cleaning as if she was... Then it dawned on her. Molly Weasley... An excellent woman and wonderful mother, no doubt about it! But not who Hermione wanted to be like. Was that who Ron wanted her to be like? It made sense and yet, Hermione chose not to believe it. Thusly her thoughts took a completely different course. Severus Snape. Surely, she hadn't handled the situation the way she should have but she couldn't deny it; the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Just when she was about to give up on her dreams, Severus had extended a friendly hand and pulled her up, in a way. By offering her a shoulder to cry on, he had made it easy for Hermione to view him as something more than an old acquaintance.

She already admired him, of course, if not for his help in Voldemort's defeat, then for his intellect, whose equal she hadn't come across yet. And it was a trait she valued greatly. He was definitely not the most handsome man she had ever layed eyes on and the age difference was a factor to be considered but in the end, did any of that matter? Could she turn a blind eye to the fact that Snape had brought a smile on her face after what seemed like years? Could she ignore his image which popped up in her head every other minute, as though he refused to be forgotten and stored away like a distant memory?

"Good grief!"she whispered. "I've fallen in love with Severus Snape!" With that, she decided she'd had enough epiphanies for one day.

**A/N: Well, what do you think? Teeeeell meeeee! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 8**

Severus hated it when people interrupted his peace and quiet. Unexpected guests were not welcome, especially when he was brewing potions, which was exactly what he had been doing until he heard the soft knock on his front door. At least, this specific potion needed to cool down for two hours before he'd have to add the last few ingredients... His irritation vanished however, as soon as he opened the door and saw Hermione standing there timidly, with her head slightly bowed, as though she had been caught doing something very, very bad. She lifted her head momentarily, in order to flash him a shy smile and then resumed her previous stance. Severus wondered whether he was dreaming because bathed in the light of day, Hermione looked more beautiful than ever. So beautiful that he could only be dreaming of her. He realised this was the effect love had on people and hated himself for feeling that way. Love was stupid anyway, he caught himself thinking as if he was a teenager.

"Can I come in?"Hermione asked. "Please, just for a moment!"

He nodded in agreement and let her in. In total silence, he motioned towards his study and watched as she walked inside, taking a seat. She looked distressed, despite her smile and he couldn't help but want to offer his help, like the complete moron that he was.

"What are you doing here, miss Granger?"he asked her.

"We are back to that then? Alright..."Hermione commented. "I would like to know your opinion about something. You are the only person I know who will be honest to me. Cruel even but mostly honest."

"Honest? I suppose I can do that..."he agreed and allowed her to go on.

"A couple of days ago, I was talking to..."she paused. "...a friend, about the future. My future, to be exact. You see, I have a job interview at the Ministry." Severus snorted, slightly amused by the prospect of Hermione Granger, filing and signing papers. "Let me finish, please. I've been unemployed for quite some time and the Ministry was my only option. Or so I thought. But I had an idea. It seemed like a good one too but I was told that it was... foolish, so to speak."

"Who had the nerve to tell you that?"he gasped, unwillingly revealing too much emotion.

"It doesn't matter. The point is... Oh, why did I send that letter?"she said and hid her face behind her palms. "What was I thinking?" Then, she took a deep breath and looked at Severus, silently imploring him to tell her she hadn't made a mistake.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what it is you have done."

His smooth voice calmed her nerves and she cleared her throat, before replying with a trembling voice. "I have sent a letter to Headmistress McGonagall, asking her to consider me whenever there was a teaching position available. She hasn't responded to me yet..."

Severus crossed his hands on his desk and waited.

"Was that foolish of me? To think I would be accepted to teach at Hogwarts? I'm too young, aren't I?"she almost cried.

"I do not recall how those decissions are made, miss Granger but if it was up to me, you would have been hired already."he said calmly.

Her eyes shone. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I mean that, woman! You were the only student I've ever had who seemed to be in love with homework! Everybody else was laying about while you studied and wrote splendid essays... You excelled as a student and I have no doubt you'd excel as a teacher too."he said, taking in her smile, excited about the fact that he had ignited it. "I would suppose that Minerva feels the same. You have to remember, she is a very busy woman and maybe she hasn't found the time to reply to your letter. But I'm positive that she will, soon. And in any case, classes have just barely started. If you were to teach at Hogwarts, you wouldn't start until next year."

"So you think I stand a chance?"Hermione said enthusiastically.

"Yes, I do."Severus nodded. "What I don't understand is why you had to come here and ask me that. Anyone could have told you the same."

"Anyone, yes..."she whispered, remembering Ron's opinion on the subject. "But I needed someone whose opinion I respect."

If it was anybody else, Severus would have taken pleasure upon hearing that he was respected instead of feared but coming from Hermione, those words only served to remind him of all the things that came between them, besides Ron Weasley. Had he lost his mind, indulging in fantasies about that woman? Surely, she had hated him in the past, just like every other student he'd had. And maybe she'd put that hatred behind her but how could he hope to ever be someone other than the "greasy git" to her? A couple of nights of mindless passion couldn't have erased years of dislike! His eyes didn't betray his thoughts or emotions, as always but Hermione sensed he was troubled by something. She cursed herself for going to him; not because she felt guilty, she was past that now. No, she was worried for Severus. Thinking of him, alone in his dark house, made her feel awful. And to think that she added to his troubles...

"Sometimes, when I have time to myself"she told him, "I wish I hadn't gotten so drunk the night we met at the pub..."

Severus's head shot up and his eyes became completely black. "I do not wish to hear about your regrets again, miss Granger."he said angrily.

"You don't understand!"Hermione protested.

"I understand perfectly!"he said through gritted teeth. "Unhappy with your life, weren't you? You wanted someone to make you forget your problems and I happened to be there! Now that your life has been mended, you feel the need to make amends... But not before you've used me to boost your ego, yet again!"he said, raising his voice and exited the room, walking towards the front door in a rage. Hermione stood up and followed, almost running in order to catch up to him. "No!"she shouted after him. His hand was already turning the doorknob and in a desparate move, she grabbed it with both of hers and pulled it away. She couldn't discern if it was shock or disgust spreading on his face but she was certain she was running out of time.

"You have to listen to me!"she begged.

"I don't have to do anything! Let go of my hand!"he snarled.

"Please, listen! I know I've been horrible, I won't deny it and I won't try to defend myself but if you will just give me a moment to explain..."

"I am not your toy, miss Granger! Let go!"he said, looking daggers at her.

"I never thought that way about you! Not for one moment!"

"Your actions tell a different story!"Severus said, towering over her.

"Will you let me speak?"Hermione begged him.

"Why should I care in the least about your explanations, after the way you dismissed me?"he asked.

"I'm going to tell him!"she shouted with tears threatening to pour out of her eyes. "I'm going to tell Ron about us!"

"What on earth for?"Severus said, surprised by her outburst. "Do you believe he will forgive you and then, you will kiss and make up?"he mocked her.

"No! I mean, I'm going to leave him!"Hermione said and leaned on his chest, hoping that he wouldn't mind. She needed the support; her legs were trembling. "I'm going to leave him..."she repeated.

Severus was frozen into place, his mind working too fast for its own good. Even though he'd heard the words which had left her mouth very clearly, he still could not believe them. He wanted to but he couldn't.

"You will break off your engagement?"he asked in disbelief.

"Yes!"she whispered and held on to his robes for dear life.

"You will leave him?"Severus asked once more, beginning to notice her movements and the pressure of her body on his.

"Yes! Yes!"Hermione said, feeling her body relax and pushing onto him to the point where his back was pressed against the door.

"For me?"he asked yet again and his eyes widened.

"Well, mostly for me."she responded and smiled shyly despite the unshed tears which were somewhat of a vision impediment . "But yes. For you..."With renewed courage, she pressed on. "Ron will be mad but eventually, he will understand that it's for the best. He will see that I'm right. And you... Us... I think there's something there! I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm not crazy, am I? Don't you feel it too?"

"Think about what you're saying."he said, very keen on caution but his hands were already crawling around her waist possessively, almost tearing through the thin fabric to reach the warm skin underneath.

Hermione took a deep breath. "I have. I've lost sleep over it. I know what I'm saying."she pulled away from his embrace to take a look at his face. "I'm going to do it anyway. Even if you don't want me..."she started to say.

"Oh, I want you!"he said in his usual casual tone, still not inclined to let her see just how much he wanted her.

"Then why are we still arguing?"Hermione said and threw her arms around him as a weight lifted from her chest.

* * *

><p>A single candle shed its light in the room, not really needed since the sun had not set yet but Hermione found the small flame calmed her and she was grateful for that. This time, her head was resting on Severus's abdomen while her arm was stretched on his stomach; she was not in a hurry, she didn't want to leave. She was happy simply laying there, listening to his steady heartbeat, with only a sheet thrown over them despite the cold. She couldn't tell if he was happy too, wondering if the ghost of Lily was still lingering in his heart or in his mind and that diminished her joy, in a way.<p>

"Hermione?"his deep voice broke the silence and she shifted to place a kiss on his lips.

"You don't have to say anything."she said, resuming her previous position.

"Shouldn't you be going?"Severus said reluctantly.

"In a minute..."Hermione replied dreamily and focused on the beating of his heart.

Severus felt the carefully built fortress around his heart crumble and wondered whether that was sensible but surely, sensibility had flown out the window the first time he'd allowed Hermione Granger into his home. With her delicate body pressed on his, came the realization that he now had someone to call his own and he let out a long breath, thinking back to the night she had called "the last time".

"Is everything alright?"Hermione asked him.

"Yes."he replied and buried his face in her hair. "I was just thinking about that potion I was making when you arrived."he lied.

"It must be ruined by now."she giggled. "Don't worry. We can make a new one tomorrow."

It sounded like a plan and both of them were delighted due to the fact that they were making plans together but neither was brave enough to say it out loud. With a shy kiss, they parted for the night, each one feeling blissful without the other knowing about it. Severus stood at the door and watched her put on her gloves, after she had decided to walk for a while before heading home and he wondered if he had ever felt so happy. Hermione turned to him with a smile and waved goodbye and even though he wasn't used to such displays, he waved back and tried to fight the twitch of his lips, which meant he was about to smile, as well.

**A/N: My love to all of you who read, review and add the story to your favourites and/or alerts! I'm blowing a kiss to you, even if you can't see it! And I'd like to inform you that I've found the perfect song for HGSS fics. I put it on repeat whenever I read or write about Hermione and Severus. It's called "Black is the colour" by Ciara Considine and I suggest you give it a try, especially if you like celtic music! It's absolutely lovely! :) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 9**

The picture Hermione was holding in her hands made her heart break a little; Ron and herself, holding hands and smiling, waving at the person who had taken the photo. It was taken just a few days after the battle at Hogwarts and they were so happy then, that they had managed to survive, everything seemed more magical than usual. It was easy to smile then, when she believed Ron was the one for her, a perfect match. Things deteriorated shortly after that. But she had said "yes" and she had worn his ring and she'd strived to make their relationship work. Maybe Ron was right. Maybe if they were meant to be, it would have been easier. Maybe they were better as friends. It wasn't easy to admit that she'd been completely wrong. And it sure as hell wasn't going to be easy to convince Ron about it. Putting the picture back to its place, she wiped a single tear from her cheek. A while later, the flames in the fireplace turned green and Ron stepped out of it. "Hey, Hermione!"he said in a cheerful tone. "Waiting up for me? That's very sweet!" he went on and Hermione tried not to gulp too loudly.

"How was your day?"he asked her.

"Not so good."she lied. "Yours?"

"Could've been better..."he replied.

"Ronald... We need to talk..."Hermione said, still unsure how to begin one of the most painful conversations of her life.

"I don't like the sound of that."said Ron and his expression became very serious.

"Me neither."she told him with a sad smile on her lips.

"What's wrong?"he asked and sat down next to her on the sofa. "Did something happen?"

Hermione couldn't hold back her tears any longer. "I love you so much!"she said, tasting salt. "I really do, Ron! So very much!" She felt Ron's hand squeeze hers worriedly. "We grew up together! You are my best friend!"

"Hey, what's all this about? I love you too! You know that. What's gotten into you?"he said in an effort to comfort her.

"You can't imagine how sorry I am..."Hermione began.

"Stop it."Ron said sternly, understanding nothing and everything at the same time. "Don't do this. Don't say it, Hermione. If you say it, you'll never be able to take it back." He tried to pull his hand away but she wouldn't let it go.

"You think I don't know that?"she cried. "I know! I fought so hard to stop this from happening!"

"And I didn't?" He felt angrier by the moment. "Is that what you're saying? That you did all the work in our relationship and I didn't care enough?"

"No! No, of course not! You tried too! You did your best! As did I!"she said, briefly touching his cheek. "When was the last time you felt happy, Ron? Happy to be with me?"

He scratched the back of his head. "I know I don't say it or show it even but... Every day. Every single day that you woke up next to me, I thought 'I must have done something right in my life to deserve her'. And yes, we've had our problems but that doesn't mean I love you any less! Every single day, I thanked my luck and hoped that you'd still be here the next day..."

"Oh, Ron!"Hermione shouted as her heart sank. "I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me! I can't do this anymore!"

"Listen to me, alright? Give me one more chance, one last chance! I swear I can make things work this time around! If you just..."

"You didn't do anything wrong! You're perfect, Ron! Perfect! It's the combination of us that's not working!"Hermione interrupted.

"Come on, don't say that!"Ron said and shook his head. "You and I, we can do anything!"

"As friends, perhaps we can."she said and stood up to look at the photo she was holding before. "Ron, honestly, you are one of the most important people in my life and I hate myself for doing this to you. If cutting my heart out and giving it to you would make any difference, believe me, I would gladly do it! But I want us to be happy again, both of us!"Then, Hermione took off her engagement ring and after giving it a sad glance, she handed it to Ron.

"No!"Ron said in complete denial. "I love you!"

"And I love you."she said, running her hand over his hair. "But I know I'm right. And after all the drama and the heartache, when enough time has passed, you will see it too."

"Can't we give it another try? Please, Hermione! I'll do anything!"he said and grabbed her arms, terrified that she could slip away and disappear before he had the chance to prove his point.

Hermione knew that if he asked her one more time, she would give in to his request. So she looked deep in his eyes and conjuring extraordinary amounts of strength, she confessed. "I'm in love with someone else." Ron received the news like a slap to the face. He blinked several times, not knowing what to say or how the Earth kept spinning on its axis when his entire universe was piling up in shards around his feet.

"Why didn't you tell me that to begin with? Why all the lies about our 'combination'?"he exclaimed.

"They weren't lies, Ron! If you were the one for me, I wouldn't have fallen for someone else! I wouldn't have been able to!"she reasoned. "And I tried to avoid it but it was as if I had no control over the course of events! One moment I thought I wouldn't go to him and the next, I was already there! It's a force beyond my understanding and I'm not proud of what I did, because I hadn't cleared things with you yet but I don't regret it!"

"So you've slept with him?"Ron deduced, utterly shocked. "You had sex with another man while you were engaged to me? How could you do this?"

"You can't hate me more than I hate my self for it."she told him, squeezing the ring in her palm, hoping it would cut through her skin.

"Unbelievable!"he said, shaking his head several times. "This isn't happening... This can't be happening! It's a nightmare and I'm going to wake up... I'm going to wake up..."he chanted and then, looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You didn't do this to me..."

Hermione bit her lip but that didn't stop a new torrent of tears from running down her face, as she finally gave him the ring at which he couldn't bear to look. "But I did! And it was wrong and horrible and I will never stop regretting it!"she said, a pure image of contrition. "Please, believe me!"

"Believe you? How can I believe you ever again? Even as the words leave your mouth, I can't believe them!"Ron yelled.

"Ron, please..."

"Can you just shut up for a minute?"he snapped at her. "Can you let me think?"he said and sat back down, feeling blood rushing to his head. Hermione sat beside him, still crying, soundlessly. Ron's shoulders were shaking and she could hear him gasp for air every once in a while. They sat there, in silence, while the clock was ticking. Minutes? Hours? Neither could tell. Hermione wished that in all that mess that Ron was at the moment, her childhood friend hadn't been buried under the ruins, so that she could try and reach him at some point.

"Who is he?"Ron said at last.

"Does it matter?"Hermione asked, wiping her eyes.

"I want to know who swept you off your feet and made you take my ring off your finger."he replied as calmly as possible.

"He didn't make me do anything, Ron."she told him. "I made the decision myself."

"He played some part in it though!"he shouted, more disappointed than angry. "Tell me his name."

"I'm not going to let you pick a fight with him, Ron, so you might as well forget it."she chastised him.

Ron's eyes widened in surprise. "I don't want to fight the poor sod!"he said in all honesty. "I just want to know!"

Hermione saw that he wasn't as mad as before and after what she'd done, it was only fair to give him that little piece of information. He really wasn't going to cause trouble, she knew that. And going after Severus Snape was something very few people would be crazy enough to venture.

"Do you promise you won't do anything foolish?"she asked and he nodded in agreement. "It's Severus."she finally whispered.

"Severus who?"Ron inquired.

"How many people do you know with that name?"Hermione said, blushing.

"Severus Snape?"he exclaimed. "You're leaving me for Severus Snape? You're even more crazy than I thought!"

"Would it be any less painful if I was leaving you for Viktor Krum? Or Neville Longbottom, for that matter?"she inquired, her heart sinking deeper still.

Ron looked at her and the agony she saw in his eyes almost crushed her. "No, I suppose it wouldn't..."he admitted. "How could you do this, Hermione?"he asked her again with his voice fading.

"I don't know, darling."she said and leaned on his shoulder. "I don't know..."

**A/N: If you don't mind me saying it, I feel quite proud of myself for this chapter. I don't know if you feel the same (despite the lack of Snape) but I would very much like to know what you think. So, review! Again, even bad reviews are welcome as they make me strive to get better and win your hearts! A huge thanks to all who favourite and review and add it to alerts! Also, your private messages make my heart soar! Lovelovelovelovelove! :) **


	10. Chapter 10

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 10**

In between realizing her true feelings about Severus and sorting things out with Ron, Hermione had completely forgotten her anxiety about the letter to which McGonagall hadn't yet replied but with her heart at ease, she could focus on that again. And as soon as anxiety struck her with full force, causing her the occasional stomachache and nervous tugging of her hair, she decided to do as she always did in times of great stress and head to Diagon Alley to buy some books. She ran into several people she hadn't seen in a while and shook quite a few hands before finally making it to Flourish and Blotts which was definitely less crowded since the last time she'd been there. With all the children already at school, it was only logical. The smell of books filled her nostrils and she took a deep breath.

"It's been four days since I last saw you." A voice very close to her ear made her jump and she let out a small yelp of surprise. Turning around, she met Severus's cold stare and felt somewhat bothered by the way he had sneaked up on her.

"Are you following me?" she asked him.

He seemed slightly offended by the question. "Of course not! What a ridiculous idea!"

"Then what are you doing here?" she asked again, pulling him behind a rather tall stack of books.

"I do leave my house, you know. I'm not a complete recluse." Severus explained.

"You're right, I'm sorry." Hermione huffed. "I just didn't expect to see you here, that's all."

"Can you explain to me why we're hiding? Do we have a reason to try and avoid detection still?" he inquired and his mouth became a straight line, a phenomenon which Hermione had experienced too many times in the past.

"No but being cautious wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't like it if people started gossiping!" she said.

"People will always gossip, Granger. There is nothing you can do about it." Severus insisted.

"Can't we be discrete for a little while longer?" she pleaded. "Ron is hurt enough as it is! Let's not rub it in!"

"He knows everything, then?" he said, stressing the word 'everything'.

"Yes, every little detail, as promised." she assured him.

Making sure no one was watching, Severus reached for her hand, touched it briefly, only for a second and then, simply let it go. "I can imagine you're upset. I didn't wish to cause you any more grief."

"You didn't. Really, you didn't!" Hermione said and placed a hasty peck on his lips. "We could go and have a cup of coffee, you know, like normal people do. Being discrete doesn't mean we can't see each other at all."

"I would like that very much." said Severus, fighting the urge to offer her his arm as they walked out of the bookshop, side by side. He felt his pride swell, simply for having someone to walk with in public. Especially Hermione Granger who had become to him the very image of perfection. He wondered whether she was considering holding his hand. No, thoughts like that wouldn't do him any good! She was right. They would have to keep their relationship a secret for some time. She had just broken off her engagement, after all.

Hermione indeed felt her hand itch. Despite what she'd said, despite the fact that it had been a valid point, she couldn't help but want to hold Severus's hand in front of everyone, unaffected by their whispers, unashamed, happy... She dared a glance at him, from the corner of her eye and marvelled at her past inability to notice how his mere presence could not only inspire fear, but also awe, in someone's heart. Everything about him that she used to find intimidating, was now familiar, comfortable and in a sense, overwhelming. All the years she'd spent with Ron, she felt safe, content at times. And there was nothing wrong with that. But it was different with Severus. Every time she met his gaze, something inside her stirred. Something fervent and demanding. She couldn't tell if he felt the same way and somehow, she didn't care. She would give him her heart and even if she could never replace Lily in his, perhaps she could hope for a small part of it, a grain of affection.

They found a small coffee shop, crowded enough so that they wouldn't stand out and began what could be considered as a first date. Not that they would say that out loud of course, it would sound stupid; but in essence, that's exactly what it was.

"There!" Hermione said with a smile after they'd given their order . "This is in no way indecent. Just two people, having coffee."

"Indeed." Severus replied in his laconic manner.

"I am terribly sorry for not making any contact in the past few days." she muttered. "It had nothing to do with you! I needed some time to clear my head."

"How did Mr. Weasley take the news?" he asked her.

"Not very well, as you can imagine. He couldn't decide whether to plead with me or yell at me." she said and frowned, recalling Ron's reaction. "He settled on a combination of both. I deserved it, of course."

"Hermione..." Severus used her name tenderly to stop her from drowning in guilt. "You are not the only one to blame."

"Oh, I do love hearing you say my name!" she told him but the frown never left her face. "The truth is, Severus, I am the only one to blame. But I'm certain that I did what was right, for all of us."

"No second thoughts?" he asked.

"No second thoughts." she confirmed with a nod, as the waiter placed two steaming cups in front of them. "Enough of that, alright? Let's change the subject!"

"What would you like to talk about?" he said, relieved by her suggestion. He could not stand seeing her unhappy. He yearned for one more of her bright smiles.

"I'd like to talk about you..." she responded with a blush. "To know more about you..."

"Not a very interesting subject, I'm afraid." he said and took a sip of his coffee.

"Don't be modest! I'm sure you have some fascinating stories to tell. You've been a spy for so many years. You put your life on the line more times than I could count..."

"Is that what you find appealing about me? Do you see in me a romantic hero, a knight in shining armour perhaps?" he said, defensive as always. He had no desire of being the object of someone's romantic fantasy.

Hermione smiled kindly. "I see an admirable man. Clever, brave , passionate and generous!"

"I have no flaws then?" he inquired, shocked by her description.

"Many, many flaws!" she teased. "You're very stubborn and you can definitely be cruel at times. But your good traits compensate for the bad."

"You know me too well." he admitted with a smirk.

"Yes, I'm an excellent judge of characters!" she said and finally offered him that radiant smile he was longing for. "And I've had years and years to study yours."

"As have I." Severus said, looking straight into her eyes.

"Please! You only payed attention to me when you had to tell me off!" she said.

"On the contrary, my dear. I believe I understand your character almost perfectly." he retorted.

"I'm listening..." Hermione was intrigued but a shadow looming over her, signalled someone's arrival. She would have loved to hear what Severus thought of her and yet, she would have to wait.

"Hermione. Professor." Harry said with a slight nod of his head and watched as the couple turned to look at him. Hermione's jaw dropped but Severus's expression was unfathomable. Harry didn't have to be a wizard to understand that the interruption wasn't welcome.

"Harry!" Hermione managed to say. "Please, don't make a fuss!"

"Don't be so hasty, Hermione. I believe your friend isn't here to cause trouble." Severus told her calmly.

"Quite right, Professor." Harry nodded again. "I was hoping I could talk to you, Hermione. I dropped by your house earlier but there was no answer so I thought I'd look for you. Do you have a moment?"

"I will leave you two alone." Severus politely offered.

"Severus, please, you don't have to go!" Hermione exclaimed.

"It's alright. I have to stop by the Apothecary anyway. Talk to your friend, Hermione, it's fine. Good day, Mr. Potter." he said, not allowing Harry to respond, bowed his head and left, with his robes billowing as he strode down the street. Harry took his seat and stared at Hermione.

"I'm not ready for a lecture, Harry." Hermione stated with an exasperated sigh.

"When have I ever lectured you?" he protested.

"Have you talked to Ron?" she asked him.

"As a matter of fact, I have." Harry said.

"How is he doing?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Would you believe me if I said he was doing great?" he continued in the same tone, no emotion in his voice. Hermione was sure this calm facade wouldn't last.

"Not really, no..." she uttered.

Harry leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. Seemingly calm, he pretended to look at the crowd in the street. Whether he was giving Hermione time to collect her thoughts or simply preparing himself for a fight, wasn't clear but she didn't mind the short lived silence.

"What the hell are you doing, Hermione?" Harry said after a couple of seconds. "Leaving Ron? For Snape? Have you gone mad? It doesn't seem like something you'd normally do! Has he hexed you or something?" he vented.

"Does that sound like something Severus would do?" she defended. "Hexing me? Or even slipping me a potion?"

"Well... No! But I don't know what to make of this! I thought you loved Ron!" he said.

"Of course I love Ron! Nothing will ever change that! But we're not children anymore, Harry! Should I have stayed with Ron and lived an unhappy life? Is that what you want for me? Is that what you want for either of us?" she said, lowering her voice.

"I want both of you to be happy..." Harry asserted.

"We will be. It doesn't look like it now but everything will work out in the end! You'll see! Ron will feel better after a while and he will understand that despite my cheating, I made the right choice." Hermione explained.

"I knew you guys weren't a perfect match but your behaviour..." he responded, shaking his head in defeat. "And I know Ron will feel better, eventually and find someone else... But you and Snape?"

"Harry, I love him." she confessed, expecting to see a shocked expression on his face.

"No doubt you do. I figured as much by the way you were looking at him before." he said, throwing her off. "That's why I'm worried about you, Hermione." he added and reached for her hand across the table. Hermione held his hand softly, grateful for this small gesture of affection and smiled warmheartedly.

"Don't be silly! Worried about me? Why?" she asked.

"Hermione..." Harry seemed reluctant to go on. "Snape is in love with my mother. You know that! You saw his memories! You'll have your heart broken!"

"I appreciate the concern, Harry but as you said, I already knew that." she said, withdrawing her hand.

"Don't be mad! I only want what's best for you! You don't want to be with Ron, fine, I can live with that! But don't fool yourself, thinking Snape can love you back! Because he can't!" he told her.

"You don't understand..." she claimed.

"Then explain it to me!" he urged.

"Whether Severus can love me or he can't, I am his now, Harry!" she declared with a dreamy look in her eyes. "I kept wondering why I couldn't stay away from him... And I tried my hardest to stay away, believe me! But something kept pulling me back and I didn't know what it was! It was frightening and unsettling, having no control over my own actions. But I understand now. It was love. That one love people wait for their entire lives? I've found it."

"Do you know how crazy that sounds?" he pointed out.

"Yes, in fact, I do." she said and shrugged her shoulders.

"Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?" Harry insisted.

"You could say many things to change my mind, Harry but nothing could ever change my heart." she told him earnestly.

Harry sighed, realizing his friend wasn't going to be swayed. He'd never seen her look this happy though and that was comforting. Maybe he should trust her on this; after all, it was her life. With a last shake of his head, he dismissed his objections for this relationship and decided to support Hermione in her decision, no matter how deranged it might seem to him.

"I hope you won't regret it." he told her.

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><p><strong>AN: Hello, hello, hello! New chapter! Like it? Hate it? I am anxiously waiting for your reviews, lovely people! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Chapter 11, where nothing really happens and there's no progress to the story. It just offers a bit of insight on the Granger/Snape relationship. Share your thoughts with me in a review! Do I have to beg? Because I will! :)  
><strong>

**(Also, the page seems to be broken somehow. I can only see the save button. Let's hope I don't upload a bunch of gibberish!)**

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><p><strong>Change of Heart<strong>

**Chapter 11**

She had simply asked him to pass the juice and somehow Severus had managed to hit her in the head with the bottle and spill its contents all over her! He wasn't known to be clumsy and Hermione gave him a look of disbelief as he healed the injury on her forehead. She didn't know what to make of his nervous expression; Severus Snape was never nervous and if he ever had been, he hadn't revealed it in any way. What was making him behave like this? This was uncharted territory and it scared her. He took his seat opposite her and avoided her eyes carefully while filling her glass with pumpkin juice.

"Is something wrong, Severus?"she asked him.

When he looked at her again, his face didn't betray emotions of any kind and yet she was certain he had been nervous a moment ago! "What gave you that idea?"he said calmly.

"I don't know. Maybe it was the pumpkin juice my clothes were soaked in recently..." Hermione teased.

Severus made a weird sound, something between a sigh and a snort which failed to put her mind at ease; if anything, it made her worry even more. She would normally reach for his hand and squeeze it lightly but since both his hands were resting on his lap under the table, that was impossible. Besides, if something was causing him discomfort, he wouldn't appreciate physical contact, like most people would.

"And you wouldn't know now, because it's been healed, but I did have a small wound on my forehead a minute ago."she told him and smiled playfully. "What is the matter? It's not like you to drop things, especially on other people."

"I don't know how to do this..."Severus wheezed.

"This?"Hermione questioned.

"This!"he said reluctantly and shook his hand, pointing from himself to her several times. "Having breakfast..."

"You've had breakfast before, Severus!"she chuckled.

"Are you mocking me?"he said and Hermione heard the fury in his tone. Normally, it would have frightened her but lately, she caught herself feeling excited every time he raised his voice.

"Of course not! I'm simply trying to figure out what you mean!"she explained.

"I mean..."he said and paused, raising a hand to his head and shutting his eyes in contemplation.

In that simple movement which divulged nothing, Hermione saw and understood the reason behind his strange behaviour. Again, seeking to touch him wouldn't help, she had to remind herself. What seemed to bring a sort of calm over his features was smiling. Severus was a big fan of smiles; who would have thought? So, she offered him a wide smile and tried to hide the traces of laughter from her voice -the conclusion she had reached was amusing, after all.

"You don't know how to be... a boyfriend?"she asked.

He glared at her for a second but just as she had planned, her smile stopped the scowl that was forming on his face.

"The mere word sounds impossible..."Severus said and shook his head before he continued. "But yes. I don't know how to do that."he admitted.

Hermione tried to stall, taking a long sip of pumpkin juice before answering. "There is no manual for this. No 'how to' books. Which only means that you have to make it up as you go."

"I wasn't asking for instructions."he snorted and rolled his eyes which Hermione took as a sign that his nervousness was dissipating. "I was stating a fact."

"I know you weren't asking for instructions!"she nodded and standing up, she began cleaning the table. She could have done it the magical way but she had been raised as a Muggle and it felt natural. Also, washing the dishes would give them more time to talk while doing simple, everyday things and hopefully, that would show him that being in a relationship wasn't as scary and complex as he thought.

"Do try and avoid hitting me with flying objects! It's not part of the modern relationship ritual."she jested while rinsing a plate. "Plus, it hurts."she added and heard him snicker behind her back.

"What I'm trying to say is that I've lived alone for the most part of my life. It's not easy for me, letting someone in."he said.

"I figured as much while I was lying on my back in your front yard earlier."Hermione retorted and turned to face him, drying the water off her hands. She knew he didn't mean that it was difficult to let people inside his home, but how could she address his trust issues without insulting him?

"That was your fault, for trying to invade my home."he smirked.

"Is a visit from your girlfriend considered an invasion?"she said, faking anger and letting the word 'girlfriend' settle in his mind.

"It is, when you open the door without knocking and barging in!"Severus told her. "My wards do not recognize the distinction between girlfriend and enemy."

"Perhaps you could reflect on the possibility of removing those wards altogether? The war is over, you have nothing to worry about."she urged.

"Old habits die hard."he said seriously and approached her, an impatient look in his eyes. "Are you done with those dishes?"

Hermione was done with the dishes alright, but she tried to control her reaction to the change in his tone. Her heart had started doing a crazy dance in her chest and it wouldn't do; the discussion wasn't over yet and she couldn't afford having him look at her this way. She brought her palms to his chest and pushed lightly in order to keep some space between them. Severus gave a questioning glance at her hands, saying nothing but not drawing back either.

"Please, Severus, remove the wards!"she implored.

"Why would I do that?"he asked.

"No one will come after you. No one will try to harm you."she said in a soothing voice. "You are safe now. There's no need for protective wards anymore."

Severus couldn't understand why she was insisting on that matter. He would have liked to be able to agree with her but he couldn't. All those years of spying and fighting had taken their toll on him. But her brown eyes were filled with concern and he didn't want to cause her grief.

"You mean that you plan on entering without knocking often?"he asked.

"Only if you feel comfortable with that."she admitted.

"I will think about it."he said finally, hoping that she would smile again.

"That's all I'm asking."she told him and smiled, just like he wanted.

"You realize, of course, that in case someone does come after me, you will be to blame for whatever happens."he stressed.

"I trust you to defend yourself adequately."Hermione commented. "But if it makes you feel any better, you can blame me for anything you'd like!"

"I don't see why it means that much to you."Severus wondered.

"Let's say, hypothetically, that I wanted to surprise you... Wearing a french maid costume, maybe... Would you want me to be blasted across the street dressed liked that? What would your neighbours think?"she teased him.

"You should know by now, I hate surprises."he said sternly but even he could tell he failed at being intimidating. It was very hard when all he could think of was Hermione in a french maid costume.

"I'm not saying I would do that! I'm just saying... What if?"she insisted.

"The dishes..."he said, giving her a meaningful look.

"What about them?"she asked, having completely forgotten that she was holding him back.

"Are you done with them?"Severus inquired in a way which expressed he couldn't care less about the state of the dishes and felt the pressure on his chest lessen significantly.

"Oh! Yes. Yes, I think I'm done with the dishes."Hermione gasped when his fingers started unbuttoning her shirt, so slowly that it was almost painful. Her throat felt dry, all of a sudden. "I could also clean the rest of the house, if you want."

"I wouldn't mind seeing you in a maid costume..."he growled in response. "But I don't think we have time for games now. Some other time maybe..."

Hermione swallowed audibly and shivered when his fingers crawled under her shirt, leaving a trail of fire where they touched her skin. _Have I ever felt like this before_, she thought and as his lips met hers, her mind eagerly offered an answer. _No, never. Only with him._


	12. Chapter 12

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 12**

"Please?"

"No."

Why had Hermione thought that Severus would gladly accompany her to McGonagall's birthday soiree? She should have known better... At first, she had dismissed the idea but the truth was, she wanted to finally be seen on Severus's side and to admit, in a way, that the whispers were true, that they were together. It had been almost a month since she'd broken off her engagement; surely, a public appearance wouldn't seem so tasteless now. And she also wanted to talk to McGonagall about her letter in person. It all made sense! But Severus had refused, several times. On the night of the event, she decided to give it one more try so, with her hair pulled in a stylish bun and wearing a gorgeous red dress, she stood on his doorstep, hoping he would change his mind. If this attempt failed as well, she would simply have to go alone.

"You know very well that I do not enjoy celebrations of that sort." Severus told her, pretending that he hadn't noticed just how stunning she looked. "Why you keep insisting on the matter, is beyond my understanding."

"You're right. It's not fair to ask you to do something you don't like." she said, giving up all hope. "I do have to go though."

"Do as you please. I have no objection." he said with a shrug and resisted the urge to to rip the dress off her.

"I will see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"If you wish..." he replied nonchalantly but the possibility of not seeing her the next day was too much for him to bear.

"Well, then... Goodnight!" she said and turned to leave.

"Hermione." She had only taken a few steps when he called her name. " You look... nice." he told her and saw her smile, without saying a word before she Disapparated.

Why didn't he go with her, he wondered. Sure, he didn't care much for parties but he cared for her. He didn't care much for dancing but he would dance with her. Her. Granger. Wearing a beautiful dress. Red. Much like the fire in his veins. People would notice her. _Men _would notice her. Perhaps, ask her to dance, offer her a drink. She would politely accept and smile. She would waste a smile on someone. She would agree to a dance or two. Thinking of her in somebody else's arms... Oh, why didn't he go with her?

Maybe Hermione was the type who enjoyed little surprises... What if he showed up at the gathering after all, glaring away potential suitors? Would she like that?

* * *

><p>The Great Hall was crowded and noisy when Hermione arrived. She wondered whose idea it was because she doubted that McGonagall would have wanted her birthday celebration to be so extravagant. Between the floating candles that were usually illuminating the place, there were several fireworks which were beautiful to look at, but didn't seem to match the Headmistress's taste somehow. Hermione shrugged the thought off; as long as everyone enjoyed themselves, she didn't see what was the point of worrying over fireworks.<p>

Even though nobody stopped to look at her as she passed by them, she could feel people staring at her back, most likely wondering whether the rumours of her relationship with the former Potions Master were true. If so, why wasn't he at her side, they were thinking. And she found herself not caring about their thoughts and possible whispers. Let them gossip. Let their small minds be entertained by someone else's life because they would never- could never- experience happiness similar to that which she'd found next to Severus. Her eyes scouted the room for a familiar face and she saw Harry and Ginny who had just seen her too, waving and motioning for her to join them.

"What took you so long? I almost thought you weren't coming!" Ginny said, giving her a quick hug which made Hermione feel warm all over. She had been forgiven and it felt bloody good!

"I was trying to convince Severus to come with me. As you can see, I failed." she told her friends and accepted the glass of wine Harry offered her.

"Leave it to Snape to be able to resist you while you're looking like this!" he said and raised his glass while Ginny faked a look of annoyance.

"Come now, Harry! Even I couldn't hope to trick Severus Snape into attending a gathering of this magnitude!" Hermione said and took a sip from her glass. "I admit I am slightly annoyed by this crowd. How do you suppose he would have felt?"

"He's still the same old Snape, isn't he?" Harry commented.

"Yes and no. He's still Snape but at the same time, he's quite different. I think Voldemort's defeat has allowed him to breathe, if that makes any sense." she retorted.

"It makes perfect sense. To me, at least. I know how he must feel." he admitted.

"He didn't seem really changed to me, the last time I saw him." Ginny mused.

"When did you see him?" Hermione asked, slightly surprised.

"About a week ago, I think, in Diagon Alley." her friend replied.

"And you talked to him?" Hermione insisted. Why hadn't Severus mentioned that to her?

"I tried! He acted like he usually did, scowling and glaring at me. I asked him how you were. I hadn't seen you in a while so... But he turned around and left!" Ginny said with an amused look on her face.

"That sounds very Snape to me!" Harry laughed.

Hermione joined him with a chuckle. "I never said he was a completely different person!"

Suddenly, Harry and Ginny's amused expressions changed, as though they were worried about something.

"What is it?" she questioned.

"Is he nice to you, Hermione?" Ginny asked and Hermione swore she could see her friend's eyes water.

"Of course he's nice to me!" she disimissed Ginny's worries with a smile. "Why would you even ask that? Do you honestly think that I would still be with him if he wasn't? You know me better than that!" And then, she repeated "Of course he's nice to me!".

"That's a relief." The voice came from behind her, announcing Ron's arrival and she felt her hand, which was holding the glass of wine, twitch slightly. She turned to face him, slowly, preparing herself to hear a couple of nasty comments. She knew there would be none of that when Ron gave her a sad smile, forced maybe, but honest.

"Hello, Ron!" she said, hoping her voice didn't tremble enough for anyone to notice how upset she was. "How have you been?"

His answer was a simple shake of the head which made Hermione even more uncomfortable. She realized Harry and Ginny had quietly vanished; maybe this confrontation was too much for them. If only she could walk away too...

"You look very pretty." Ron complimented her and she blushed, despite herself.

"Thank you..." she mumbled.

"So, where is your boyfriend?" he asked, not meaning to offend, she was certain of it, and he looked around as if he was expecting to see Severus standing close by.

"Were you seriously expecting to see him here?" she attempted to joke.

"I was hoping not to." he admitted. "To be honest, I wanted to talk to you alone."

"What about?" Hermione asked and gulped down another sip of wine.

Ron took her hand. "Dance with me." he said and she did, because how bad could a conversation be when there was dancing involved?

He swirled her around gracefully a couple of times and then decided for a gentle sway. About time too; she was feeling a bit dizzy. She couldn't help but notice the tension building, from her part at least. Ron seemed quite relaxed and that was scary.

"Time puts things into perspective. Isn't that what you said?" he began. "I'm not saying that I'm as happy as could be. Just better. And, in a sense, I have forgiven you."

"Ron, I..." Her voice came out squeaky and odd and she wanted to try again, to say something, anything but he didn't let her.

"Now, don't look so sad!" Ron said.

"I'm sorry..." was all she could say.

"I want you to know that I'm fine. Well, maybe not fine exactly but I thought about the things you said. Very carefully. And I see what you mean. We were each other's comfort zone and that made us believe there was more than just friendship between us." Ron said calmly. "What hurt the most was that you cheated on me."

"It hurt me as well." she told him with a steady voice.

"But you did it anyway." he stated but there was a question somewhere in there.

"I couldn't fight it, Ron. Really, I couldn't."

"You're Hermione! You can do anything!" he said.

She lowered her eyes. "Not this. "

"What do you see in him anyway?" he said, allowing some bitterness in his tone. "What makes him so bloody irresistible?"

Hermione smiled dreamily before she could stop herself. "His eyes... His hands..." She listed only a few of the things she found irresistible about Severus before noticing Ron had flinched. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. It was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was. But at least you're happy. It's good to know that you're happy." he said and forced another smile for her sake.

"Is it? That's very gracious of you, considering the way I treated you..." she said and smiled back.

"Who doesn't want their friends to be happy?" Ron said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Friends?" she asked, almost collapsing. Would that be possible then? Would she have her friend back?

"Give me a little more time..." he agreed. "I would hate to lose you from my life, Hermione. You're not the only one who wants things to go back to what they used to be."

She blinked to fight back the tears of joy that were gathering in her eyes and felt a genuine smile -not sad, not forced- spread over her face. She allowed herself to pull Ron in a tight but brief hug which left them both hopeful for the rebuilding of their friendship. They failed to notice however -as did everybody else in the room- Severus standing proudly at the entrance, with his eyes narrowing menacingly and then, turning on his heels and walking away quickly, the Hog's Head his most likely destination, as he cursed himself both for not accepting Hermione's invitation in the first place and finally deciding to surprise her with his presence there. In the end, it was he who had been surprised and as it was known to every living person in the magical part of England -hadn't he warned her about it already?- Severus Snape absolutely hated surprises! Humiliated, that was how he felt, exiting the castle...

Recovering from their first friendly hug after the awful break-up, Hermione walked alongside Ron as they looked for Harry and Ginny and she was terribly shocked at how their initial awkwardness was slowly fading away. Just when she had detected Harry in the crowd, she felt someone tap her shoulder, very lightly and turned around to see the Headmistress herself, the person she was hoping to talk to.

"Happy Birthday, Headmistress McGonagall!" she said with a cheerful voice and placed a soft peck on the old witch's cheek. "I am so glad to see you!"

"As am I, miss Granger!" the old woman said, taken aback by the affectionate gesture. "I believe we have something to discuss, don't we?" she said as she pulled Hermione by the arm, leading her to a spot where the noise wasn't as annoying. "Now... I have read your letter. Or should I consider it a formal application?"

"More of a request, I would think." Hermione uttered, ready to be told off.

"Either way, I've given it some serious thought. You understand, of course, that I cannot hire you at this moment..." McGonagall told Hermione with a twinkle in her eye. "But I think we could arrange something for next year, maybe?"

"Are you serious?" she asked as her eyes widened, wondering how appropriate it would be to pull the Headmistress by the shoulders and shake her back and forth.

"Since I took my position as Headmistress, professor Gudgeon has replaced me in Transfiguration. Poor Emma! She is willing but barely adequate. I doubt she can make it through another year! As I remember, you were extremely talented at Transfiguration. How would you like to take her place?" McGonagall inquired but she already knew what the answer would be.

"Thank you so much!" was all Hermione could think of to say as words failed to express her joy and she shook McGonagall's hand a few times, squeezing a bit too much in her enthusiasm.

"Needless to say, you can't mention this to anyone yet, as it's not official." she said but Hermione thought of one person she absolutely had to tell. "But you can consider yourself a member of the staff, my dear! I will arrange for a proper appointment soon, so that we can sort out the details." And with a wide smile, she added "I have to go and greet some people now."

"Yes, of course, I understand!" Hermione beamed at her. "Again, thank you! You can't imagine how much this means to me!"

"I think I have a vague idea." the old woman stated as she walked away.

Hermione thought she would burst from all the happiness swelling in her chest. She looked to her friends who were eyeing her questioningly, and she simply waved at them and mouthed _I have to go_. Then she lifted one side of her long dress because long dresses aren't made for running, and run she did, out of the Great Hall, towards the Apparition point, snow settling on her naked shoulders but she couldn't be bothered, because she thought of Severus and how much she wanted to share the news with him. Only him. She Apparated a bit further from his house, not wanting to draw attention and kept on running until she was at the front door. She knocked at it excitedly but received no answer.

"Severus! Open the door!"she said and could even hear the smile in her voice. She knocked again. "Severus?"

After looking around for prying eyes, she procured her wand and whispered _Alohomora_ at which the door opened willingly. She prepared to disarm any protective wards but nothing happened which meant he had to be there somewhere, her mind told her. "Severus? Are you here?"she asked and again, no answer. She looked for him in every room and pouting when she realized he actually wasn't there, she remembered how much she had insisted that he remove the wards from his house so that she could enter freely and that he had obliged. Never mind. She could wait. And maybe, when he came home, he would let her sit on his lap and snuggle him and tell him all about how she would be a professor at Hogwarts! After an hour of waiting, she sat on the double bed, took off her shoes which were killing her feet and looked out to the street, waiting some more, for his return. The snow kept falling, there was no sign of Severus and before she knew it, she was sleeping in his bed, alone.

Severus made his way home, not nearly drunk enough to forget what his eyes had witnessed but enough to pretend that he couldn't care less. He stopped at the door and raised his wand, realizing someone had entered his house. He cursed under his breath. Why had he listened to Hermione about removing the wards? Carefully, he proceeded inside and checked the rooms one by one but found no intruders, until he reached the bedroom. And on his bed, curled in a fetal position, lay Hermione, a sleeping beauty in her red dress. Every bit of anger and pain he had felt earlier melted away and he lowered his wand as he thought "Let her dance with every boy in the world! Let her throw her arms around them and smile, as long as she comes back to sleep in this bed!" He didn't bother undressing before he crawled next to her in bed, pulling her gently into his arms, wishing that she wouldn't have worn her hair in a bun so he could bury his face in it and breathe in her scent. Hermione stirred, aware of his body pressing to hers.

"Severus?"she whispered with a voice lazy from sleep.

"I am here."he told her. "Go back to sleep."

Her hand travelled to his cheek and caressed it, as if trying to make sure she wasn't dreaming but didn't open her eyes. "You weren't here before."she moaned. "I needed to tell you..." But she didn't finish her sentence as she drifted back to sleep and after a short while, Severus joined her. And in his sleep, all the hurtful emotions he had experienced earlier, came back to haunt him.

**A/N: Ahem... Review? Please? :)**

**(Thank you very much for all the previous reviews and the favourites and the alerts! Lovelovelovelove!)  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello and thank you for the alerts and favourites!  
><strong>

**Just wanted to let you know I've got a beta now, the lovely Stephiebob22! She said I'm not obligated to use all of her corrections and/or suggestions but I've decided I will. So, if you still spot any mistakes in here, know it's not her fault but most likely mine, having forgotten or not having spotted all her corrections throughout the original text. I hope that won't happen though. Thank you, Stephie! Lots of love! And thanks to all of you, for reading! If you feel like it, review! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Change of Heart<strong>

**Chapter 13**

A part of him wanted to confront her about what he'd seen the night before, but he thought about his pride and how severely it would be wounded by such a conversation. Why was he so eager to put the incident behind him, forget that it had ever happened? But what had happened really? What did he witness? It's not as if Hermione was kissing the Weasley twit, she was merely hugging him! She hugged other people as well. Weasley wasn't the only one to have access to that privilege. He was overreacting, certainly, he thought as Hermione leaned back in the sofa, reading a book. She stayed there for several hours, crossing and uncrossing her legs, occasionally twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers while Severus pretended to read the newspaper, all the while trying to forget how breathtaking she'd looked, even in Weasley's arms. She was equally, if not more beautiful now, with nothing but a bathrobe on -one that she'd brought with her a couple of weeks ago, along with a toothbrush and other items of everyday use which made her life easier when she slept over at his house. Severus preferred that they stayed there. Her house reminded him too much of the way their relationship had started, sneaking around, hiding... Ronald Weasley. Severus hated Ronald Weasley.

Every once in a while, she would tear her eyes away from the book -_Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration_- and she would smile to him before resuming her reading. She didn't have to say anything. Just having her sit there, in silence, with him was enough. Enough to forget, to dismiss his jealousy. Enough to make him smile back, every time. In one of her short breaks, her eyes lingered on his face a little longer.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"I'm worried... What if they laugh at me?" she told him.

"Who would dare laugh at you?" he questioned.

"My... My students... What if I'm not good at teaching?"

Severus snorted and continued reading a quite boring article about a Squib blowing up some Muggle building.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hermione questioned him and closed the book.

"Not good at teaching?" He snorted again. "How could you fail at that? It involves books and bossing people around, two of your favourite things!"

"I, most certainly, do not boss people around!" she protested, darting upwards.

"Yes, and I am a banshee..." he teased.

"I don't! I don't!" she went on, trying to look as angry as possible, knowing that he could see through her fake anger. "Take that back!"

"Or what?" His voice was a low growl as he put the newspaper away. Hermione approached him and gave him a fiery look. Not because she was angry, not in the least. But she'd heard that growl before, many times, and she knew exactly where it would lead. She was surprised by how tall she felt, standing over him, when she knew that if he decided to stand up as well, she would end up feeling like a tiny mouse.

"Or I will make you pay for being so mean to me!" she threatened.

"Will you now?" he smirked in defiance.

"You know I will!" she said, feeling her determination dissolve but raised her wand anyway, as if she could ever do him any harm. He responded with a curious grin, his nerve forcing her to stab his cheek with the tip of her wand. She thought she could see sparks flying but she hadn't cast a spell and she realized, it was his grin that did it. His grin, his grin, his mischievous grin; she gasped because all the time she'd been busy staring at his face, he had already untied the belt of her robe and his hand was now slowly crawling up her thigh. With a smile resembling his own, she all but plunged into his lap, let him cover her with kisses and felt like he was dragging her underwater, drowning, she was drowning... And she didn't even care. _I love you_, she wanted to say, _I love you_. To admit it, say it out loud, finally, but she was too busy melting in his arms, so the words never left her mouth.

* * *

><p>"We hardly ever see you anymore!" Ginny half-shrieked.<p>

"I've apologized a million times already! You know how sorry I am!" Hermione told her, losing parience at her friend's whining.

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd think he's holding you prisoner," the redhead said again.

"Really, Ginny, Severus isn't the core of my existence!" she protested. "I'm studying a lot these days, that's all."

"And that is the only reason why I'm not making a bigger fuss about it! It's so like you to begin studying for a job that doesn't start until next year!" Ginny said and laughed. "Is that why you look so tired?"

"Yes, mostly that. I haven't been sleeping well lately," Hermione confessed.

"Nightmares?"

"If there are nightmares, I don't remember them when I wake up," she said. Later on, she would curse herself for having said that.

* * *

><p>Severus had informed her that he would have to go to Diagon Alley to purchase –that was the word he'd used, <em>purchase<em>, and she'd chuckled- ingredients for a potion he was working on. He hadn't mentioned what potion that was, oddly enough, but she'd said it was fine, she would stay there and keep reading. She would wait for him. And so she did. But after a few pages, she felt sleepy and allowed her eyes to close. "For a moment," she told herself, "Only for a moment".

Hermione opened her eyes and blinked several times because of the sunlight. How had the sun gotten inside the house? Then she heard birds chirping and felt a soft breeze caressing her hair. She looked around her and found that she was no longer in Severus's living room but lying on the grass, under a tree close to the Black Lake, at Hogwarts. She felt happy, being there, even though it seemed weird. Her mind tried to warn her about something but she couldn't focus long enough to care and besides, someone was coming to meet her.

"Severus?" she said with a smile, glad to see him there with her. But... "What are you doing here?" she asked him.

When he came closer, she could see his face clearly and he was smiling. A wide smile that she had never seen on his face before. It was as beautiful as it was alarming.

"Severus?"

"I love you," he said as if it was the most casual thing he could ever say to her and she felt her every vein tingle with joy.

"You love me?" she asked him, her voice trembling. "Can you say that again, please?"

"I love you," he obeyed.

Hermione got up and ran to him but didn't dare touch him for fear the spell would be broken. Her whole body ached with the desire to touch him though, and she really had to fight against her instincts. It was hard. She was relieved when he leaned in and touched his lips to hers. She was blissful.

"But you don't love me, do you?" he asked and his smile was replaced by a painfully deep frown.

"But I do!" she responded.

"No, you don't! You love him!" Severus said with disgust.

"Him? There's no one else!" she shouted in response. "No one!"

"Oh, Lily! You're such a terrible liar..." he said and shook his head.

"Severus! It's me! Hermione!" she shouted and grabbed his arm, digging her nails into his flesh and she looked at her hand...

It wasn't her hand. It was a beautiful, feminine hand but it was not hers. And she didn't want it. The breeze caressed her hair once more and shoved a lock of it right over her eyes. It wasn't brown, it wasn't tangled and she didn' t want it to be red. But it was... She didn't scream. She didn't have to to scream. It was a dream, a nightmare. She could control it, lead it to the right direction. She forced herself to sit under the tree again and motioned to Severus to sit besided her. He complied. Hermione -Lily, to him- opened her arms and he leaned into them, the smile returning to his face and she felt so happy, so grateful for that smile; she didn't care what was causing it, as long as it was there.

"Everything's alright, Severus," she whispered, running her hand -Lily's hand- over his hair. "I will take care of you. I'll look after you."

"Always?" he asked innocently and the word echoed inside her mind. She'd heard it before but this time, it made her ears buzz as it floated around in her head, tormenting, relentless. She bit her lip violently, wanting to draw blood, to hurt so that the pain in her heart would relocate to another spot, anywhere else but her heart, which was beating dangerously fast. She couldn't hate him for asking but she hated herself completely because she couldn't keep her voice steady when she answered "Always".

Suddenly, her arms were empty and she was looking at the chair across the sofa in which she'd been sleeping. The dream was over, leaving behind it a hazy feeling of sadness. Severus hadn't come back yet and that was good. She needed a little more time to calm down. Just a little more time to dry her tears. The dream would be forgotten soon, she thought, but as she got up, a light rushed through the window and a doe stood before her, bright and magnificent, blinding and mocking her. The Patronus stood there proudly while Severus's voice announced that he was going to be late, that she didn't have to wait if she didn't feel like it, and then, it collapsed into itself and disappeared.

Didn't he know she would always wait for him?Of course he didn't...

When Severus came back, Hermione was in the kitchen, preparing dinner by the looks of it and even though he wanted to sneak up behind her and kiss the back of her neck, he didn't. She was holding a knife, her knuckles white from the pressure she was applying and her gloomy aura prevented him from getting too close. _Something's wrong_, he deduced. What could have happened in his absence, causing this frenzied massacre of carrots? Sensing his presence, she stopped for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing with her task.

"Do me a favour?"she said without turning to look at him.

"What do you need?" he asked, thinking that maybe she wanted him to help her with the cooking, the same way she helped him with brewing potions.

"Next time you want to send me a message, use an owl," she told him applying a little too much force in chopping a carrot. "Use a magical puff of smoke or a swarm of bees, trained to form sentences! I don't care! Or I could buy you a cell phone and personally teach you how to send a text message!" She took another deep breath and put the knife down. "Anything! Anything but your Patronus! Don't ever send me your Patronus again, alright?" she said and even though her voice was steady, he could hear the remnants of tears in it.

Severus, despite his brilliance, couldn't comprehend her reaction. It made no sense to him why she would be upset about a Patronus. But he nodded in agreement and moving closer, he pulled her hair out of the way and kissed the back of her neck, as he had originally intended. "What are we having?" he asked, inspecting the ingredients, and he felt her ease into his arms.

"I'm not sure," she sighed. "These are just some random vegetables I felt like chopping."

"You seem to have chopped a bit of your finger as well," he said, noticing a few drops of blood on the cutting board. Hadn't she felt that? "Let me heal it."

"No, I've got it," she told him, pulled out her wand and cast an _Episkey_ on her finger. The wound sealed itself and she winced.

If only hearts could be patched up as easily... If only she could point her wand to his chest, utter the word and be able to claim him for herself, free from the ghosts of the past which seemed determined to haunt him forever.


	14. Chapter 14

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 14**

Christmas was approaching fast and Hermione had to make up a lot of excuses to avoid Severus, in order to find a great gift for him. They hadn't made any plans for Christmas Eve but she was going to surprise him by showing up at his house just before midnight. She hoped he wouldn't mind too much. After many hours that had left her exhausted and growing desperate -what would make a good gift for Severus Snape?- Hermione stopped outside Flourish&Blotts, wondering whether she should give up and buy him a book. But the man had a vast collection of books already... Her eyes wandered to Madam Malkin's window. _Why not_, Hermione thought and entered the store. She immediately noticed a set of black silk robes and couldn't help but rub the fabric on her cheek. It was very soft and she imagined leaning on Severus's chest when he would wear it. It was perfect!

"Could you gift-wrap this, please?" she said to Madam Malkin.

"Right away, dear!" the friendly witch replied. "You've made an excellent choice. It's a bit expensive though..."

"It doesn't matter!" Hermione told her.

A while later, she exited the store, pleased with her choice.

* * *

><p>The sun was setting as Harry and Hermione went through the kissing gate. It might have been a beautiful sunset but the sky was too dark to tell. Rain mixed with snow was falling and their breaths were coming out like steam; a blizzard would probably begin soon and Harry wanted to make it back before that. He was walking quickly, Hermione following suit. He'd made a habit of visiting his parents' graves every Christmas but he never stayed too long. He couldn't bear it. Hermione always went with him. He didn't even have to ask anymore. It had become somewhat of an annual date.<p>

"Thank you for coming along, Hermione," he told her, raising his voice a little. The wind was getting a bit too strong for conversation.

"Don't mention it!" she replied, cringing her nose which would -no doubt- be a vibrant red by now.

When they stood before the graves, Hermione took his frozen hand into hers, which was equally frozen, and tried to suppress her sorrow. Harry needed her there and she simply had to stop thinking about how Lily owned Severus's heart, even in her grave. Harry conjured a beautiful bouquet for each of the graves and sighed deeply as he placed them on the marble. She squeezed his hand gently.

"It's silly, isn't it? Visiting Mum and Dad?" Harry asked a while later.

"I don't think it's silly," she told him. "Christmas is all about family."

He pulled his hand away. "Why don't you join us at the Burrow then?"

"You know I wasn't invited, Harry," she said. "And even if I was, I couldn't leave Severus alone on a day like this!"

"I still can't get used to the way you pronounce his name. It's unnatural!" he chuckled.

"Am I supposed to still call him 'professor'? Wouldn't that be even more odd?" she responded and gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder.

"I suppose," he agreed. "You could stop by though. The Burrow, I mean. Say hello and then be off?" He looked at his watch nervously.

"Don't worry about me! I have no doubt Ginny's already pacing up and down, waiting for your arrival!" Hermione said.

"Yeah, she asked me to be there early. We're announcing our engagement tonight..." he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I wish I could be there!" she told him.

"You can! I'll tell everyone it was my idea!" he exclaimed, thinking how different this Christmas would be without Hermione.

"Don't be daft! Go! Disapparate this instant!" she urged.

"Merry Christmas, Hermione..." he said sadly and did as she commanded.

The wind drowned the loud crack, along with her own wish to him. She looked at the grave once more and sighed. _Release him_, she thought, _Please, Lily! Let him go!_ She wondered if the dead woman could somehow hear her plea. But even if she could, Hermione doubted she had a way of helping. As she was about to leave, she spotted a dark figure approaching and she recognized, even in that terrible weather, black robes billowing. Her heart sank. Hiding behind the nearest tree, she stupidly held her breath, as if it could be heard over the howling wind. But she didn't want to take any chances. If Severus discovered her hiding there, she would have to acknowledge that she knew he could never love her. So she pulled her legs to her chest, pressed her back against the trunk and tried to be as quiet as possible.

"Hello, Lily," Severus voice was barely audible but she heard it quite clearly. "Still hanging out with Potter, I see." He paused and then added "It's been a while. I've been... busy."

Hermione was torn between trying to listen and not wanting to.

"She's a handful, you see. Tiresome, that woman!" he went on. "She gets angry at me for the craziest things. Shrieking and ordering me around! Absurd!"

From her hiding spot, Hermione was already figuring out her escape plan. If she ran straight ahead, the large tree would hide her from his view, wouldn't it? It was getting dark too, she would only be a shadow among shadows. He wouldn't even know she'd been there! She stood up slowly, soundlessly and started counting. _One..._

"I think I might have been mad when I decided to get involved with her. But I was lonely."

She felt her heart crack. She didn't want to listen to this. _Two..._

"Sometimes, she makes me want to scream in frustration."

_Three!_ She darted towards the gate and didn't look back. How could she anyway, when her eyes were overflowing with tears? Her heart kept on cracking and cracking until she thought it would explode. But it didn't. Instead, it kept sending more and more waves of pain to her entire body and she believed that running was the only thing that kept from falling apart. The rain was whipping at her face without mercy but she didn't feel a thing. When she was out of the cemetery, she paused only for a moment to catch her breath and then she disappeared into the night.

Severus was oblivious to all that. So he went on with his confession to the woman that had once been his best friend.

"I don't think I could live without her though. Everything about her is... I don't know... A miracle?" he said. "But I guess it's my curse to love women who cannot return my feelings, isn't it? I never believed I could get over you, Lily but I did. I'm not sure if I should take credit for it though. It happened, all the same. I opened my eyes, one day, and you were gone. But Granger? What do I do when she decides to leave? How do I recover from that? I don't think I will be able to..." He was certain that would happen, because Hermione was too young and beautiful to spend the rest of her life with an old man like him. "If I told her..." he whispered, more to himself than anybody else, "If I told her that I love her, would it make any difference? If I told her that I love her, would she stay?" he asked, but he already knew he didn't want to force his feelings on her. If Hermione decided to stay, it would have to be because she wanted to. Not because he would guilt her into staying. With a final sigh, he bowed his head and made his way home.

* * *

><p>When the grandfather clock stroke midnight, Severus, who was sitting in his study, surrounded by books, poured himself another glass of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey. He was feeling lightheaded but he could hold his liquor just fine and besides, it was Christmas! One was allowed-nay, required to have a bit too much to drink at Christmas! Especially if one was so terribly alone. He raised his glass.<p>

"Merry Christmas, Severus, old boy!" he said, mimicking joy that he wasn't actually feeling. "Alone, again. Serves you right..."

He examined the liquid in his glass, mesmerized by its flowing movement. He could almost feel it running in his veins, artificially warming him, and wondered why he hadn't asked Hermione to spend the night with him. He hadn't even bothered to ask whether she had other plans. Of course she would have plans though, he was certain of it! He had no right to expect her to spend this particular night in this musty old house with him.

"Serves you right..." he repeated and emptied his glass.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps -Hermione's footsteps, he could tell they were hers- which was strange because he couldn't remember hearing the door open. It could, of course, just be his mind, playing tricks on him. And what great tricks they were, filling him with happiness, even just for a little while! He heard her voice -that lovely, cheerful voice- coming from the living room, calling his name... and then he realized that this was no trick, no illusion. Then, she rushed through the door, half running and with a gracious pirouette, stopped in front of him and handed him a rather large box. "Merry Christmas, Severus!" she said and angled her body over the desk to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "I really hope you'll like it!" she beamed at him, her face lighting up the dark room.

"I didn't get you anything..." Severus stuttered, too ashamed to admit that he'd wanted to but had absolutely no idea what would be good enough for her, and utterly shocked that she'd bothered to buy him a present.

"It's quite alright, I don't mind!" she dismissed his worries. "Go on! Open it!" she said, clapping her hands like an excited child.

Trying to control his emotions -and the shaking of his hands- he opened the box slowly and revealed the silk robes. He touched the fine silk reverently. "Thank you!" he said. "And Merry Christmas to you, as well!"he told her, restraining his enthusiasm.

"You don't like it..." Hermione frowned.

"Oh, I like it very much! But I'm worried you've spent too much on me," he explained.

"Nonsense!" she remarked and went to sit comfortably on his lap, her excited smile returning. Severus noticed that her eyes were a bit puffy, not quite matching that smile. "I would have been here sooner but something... came up."

"What was it?" he asked.

"Nothing you should concern your pretty little head with!" she replied.

Who would consider Severus Snape's head as pretty? This night was full of surprises, he thought as he threw back his head and laughed loudly.

"What is so funny?" Hermione wanted to know.

"You, my dear! You are absolutely impossible!" Severus retorted and proceeded to kiss the breath out of her.

When he released her lips -which was too soon in Hermione's opinion- she gave him an inquisitive look and tried to remember if she'd ever heard him laugh like that before. Had she ever heard him laugh? His eyes were fixed on her face but it wasn't the usual look of lust he usually had after kissing her this way. It was completely different and she rather liked it. For the millionth time that night, she tried to ignore the things Severus had told Lily Potter earlier.

"When you look at me like that..." she whispered, getting up from his lap to pour herself a drink and join him in a toast.

"What was that?" Severus asked.

Hermione shook her head and raised her glass. "Merry Christmas, Severus!" She left it at that.

**A/N: A Christmas chapter? In May? I had to do it. I just had to! **

**Many thanks to my beta, Stephiebob22, who puts up with me!**

**And to all of you, reading and reviewing and generally being amazing! Thank you! :)  
><strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 15**

When Hermione had asked her to visit, Ginny thought they would be spending some time together, talking, giggling; all the girly stuff she had missed doing with her friend. She arrived on the appointed time, knocked on the door and waited with a huge smile on her face. Hearing Hermione's footsteps from the other side of the door, she'd prepared a cheeky joke to tell her, just so she could see her shocked expression but understood quickly that her friend was not in the mood for a laugh. Her smile disappeared when, looking at Hermione, Ginny met two eyes on the verge of tears and a face so pale, so white, it might as well belong to a ghost. Whatever was causing this was bad. It couldn't be Snape, of course! Hermione hadn't stopped telling her how happy she was with the old git! Then again, one could never be sure when it came to Snape...

"What the hell happened?" Ginny asked, grabbing Hermione by the arm.

Upon entering the house, she noticed how untidy it was and that immediately struck her as the strangest thing that could ever happen. Not once had she witnessed Hermione leaving everything in such a mess. In fact, it was one of the reasons she and Ron used to argue about. Ginny felt weak in the knees. Something worse than bad was going on. Hermione hadn't said a word, she was simply biting her nails, looking around worriedly. In a moment of pure madness, Ginny started searching for any sort of injury on her friend.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked, slapping her hand away.

"Are you hurt? Has he hurt you?" Ginny questioned in a rage. "I will kill him if he has, I swear I will!"

"Stop it! Why are you always so eager to think the worst of Severus? He didn't hurt me!" Hermione responded angrily.

"Then what's wrong? I can tell by the look on your face, something's wrong! Why don't you tell me about it and put my mind at ease?" Ginny begged.

It was then that Hermione broke down in tears, the words coming out of her mouth making little to no sense at all. As she gasped for air, trying to calm herself down and explain, Ginny felt increasingly worried about what she was going to hear. And then, Hermione opened her purse and showed her a small package. It was obviously a Muggle artifact, one she couldn't remember reading about at Hogwarts or hearing about it from her father. Whatever it was, it couldn't be the source of her friend's frustration because there was too much pink on it, and pink things were always relatively harmless.

"I've never seen anything like this before... What is it?" she asked.

Hermione, still breathing heavily, managed to control herself enough to form coherent phrases. "I needed you to be here to support me. I can't do this alone!"she said.

"Can't do what alone, Hermione? I don't even know what that thing is!" Ginny told her.

"It's a pregnancy test," Hermione mumbled.

Ginny's jaw dropped. Somewhere in her head, she could already picture little Snapes and the image made her shudder. She was also a little hurt by the prospect. All those years that Hermione had been with Ron, nothing of the sort had ever come up. And a couple of months with Snape were already producing offspring? Life was full of surprises, and not very pleasant.

"Please, Ginny! I can't handle your reaction right now!" Hermione said in agitation.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Ginny's voice trailed off. "I wasn't expecting that. I'm here for you! I'm always here for you!"

Hermione nodded once and sat down. She couldn't remember how to use her legs or her feet or any other part of her body for that matter, so sitting down was the best option if she didn't want to collapse. For a moment, she'd thought that Ginny was going to yell at her for not being more careful. She was very grateful that it hadn't come to that, seeing as she had already mentally slapped herself for that very thing, several times.

"You don't need this thing though..." Ginny told her. "I know some spells-"

"No," Hermione stopped her. "Thanks, but no. I have to do this the Muggle way, Ginny. I have to wait for a few minutes and pull my hair and bite my nails, and generally be tormented, until I get the answer," she explained.

"But why?"

"It's appropriate, somehow..." Hermione said, not sure what she really meant.

"How does it work?" Ginny asked, glancing at the pink box.

In spite of the stress she was under, Hermione actually chuckled and dismissed her friend's question with a simple "Trust me, you don't want to know!" as she disappeared into the bathroom. Ginny didn't have to be an expert in Muggle Studies to figure out how the pregnancy test worked. She thought a spell would have been far better. When Hermione came back, holding a white stick in her hand, Ginny felt she should look away. But she didn't. Instead, she sat on the sofa and motioned for Hermione to join her.

"What now?" she inquired.

"Now, we wait," Hermione replied and let out a long sigh. "We wait," she repeated, placing the stick on the table before her.

"You don't look very happy," Ginny told her. "I thought you loved him."

"I do love him! But I can't be happy about the possibility of a pregnancy, I can't!" Hermione hid her face behind her palms. "I'm too young for this! And what about my job? I'm going to be teaching at Hogwarts this time next year! I can't have a baby now!"

"All valid points, to be taken into consideration..." Ginny shook her head. "But what about Snape? Shouldn't he have a say in this?"

"He will. _If_ I'm pregnant, I will tell him. But I know what he's going to say, Ginny. I can almost hear him now," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"How can you know what he's going to say? Give the man the benefit of the doubt!" Ginny exclaimed.

"It's very surprising to hear you say that!" Hermione said, smiling timidly and then shook her head. "I know he wouldn't want a baby. Not with me anyway."

"Why not? You're beautiful, you're intelligent, kind... Your genes are far superior to his! Why wouldn't he want to have a baby with you?" Ginny comforted her, stroking her hair.

"Because he doesn't love me," Hermione confessed.

"You don't know that, Hermione!"

"He would have told me. If he had any feelings for me, he would have told me," she went on.

"Have you told him how you feel?" Ginny questioned.

Hermione looked away, embarrassed. "No."

"There you go! Maybe he's just as stupid as you are!" the redhead beamed.

"Don't give me hope. He will always be in love with Lily. I've accepted that. I've accepted being second best," Hermione whispered.

Second best? Hermione Granger accepting being second best? It took a lot of courage from Ginny's part to tell her friend what she believed was the right thing to do, under the circumstances. "If that's the way you really feel... Walk away, Hermione. Just... Leave him."

Hermione looked at her as though looking at a crazy person. Her eyes were filled with determination when she honestly replied "I can't."

"I mean if you're not pregnant. If you're not pregnant, you should leave him," Ginny clarified.

"I can't," Hermione said again. "I don't want to."

They sat in silence and stared at the stick. It held answers which Hermione couldn't handle. Time was up. She imagined herself reaching over and grabbing it, only she didn't do it.

"Can you look at it, please? I can't bring myself to do it! Look at it and tell me!" she begged Ginny and watched as her friend tried to figure out which side she was supposed to look at. "How many lines?" she asked and held her breath.

"One," Ginny looked at her expectantly. "What does it mean?"

Letting the air out of her lungs, Hermione sighed but remained otherwise silent.

"What does it mean?" Ginny asked again, getting impatient.

"It means I'm not pregnant," Hermione told her and wondered why her chest suddenly felt so hollow.

Ginny tossed the stick away, not caring where it landed and leaned back on the sofa, resting her feet on the table. She looked cheerful and calm. Hermione felt like hitting her but she didn't know why. Her friend turned a smiling face in her direction and winked at her. "No problem then! Life goes on, as usual!" she said.

"Yes, no problem..." Hermione wheezed.

"You look oddly disappointed," Ginny observed and her smile faded.

"I suppose I am..."Hermione agreed. "Isn't it funny? A few minutes ago, I didn't want to be pregnant and look at me now!"she said and tugged at her hair.

Would it have been so terrible, to have Severus's baby? The timing would have been less than perfect but in all honesty, she would have liked to be a mother. And Severus a father... He would have hated that! Or would he? Where were these thoughts coming from, she wondered. "Hermione?" Ginny's voice pulled her back to reality. A reality in which Severus didn't love her. A reality in which there was no place for a baby, _their_ baby. Why was she doing that to herself? Second best? _I don't want to be second best..._

"Hermione, you're crying!" Ginny said lovingly and hurried to hug her friend.

"Am I? Silly me!" Hermione said and wiped the tears from her face. Then she pulled away from Ginny's tight embrace and forced a smile. "Silly me!"

**A/N: Please, forgive any mistakes. My beta is absent at the moment so I've tried correcting this chapter myself. Hope I did a good job and that you all like it! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 16**

The dreams had become unbearable. Every other night, Hermione would go to bed -whether she slept next to Severus or not- and convince herself that she would dream of something nice or nothing at all. But she had no control over the content of her dreams and she was also losing control over their course. It couldn't be helped. Sometimes, she found herself sitting by the lake but she was Lily, not Hermione, and Severus would come, looking only for Lily and nobody else. More often, she would simply be a spectator, a ghost that watched from the shadows, as the love of her life held Lily in his arms, whispering into her ear and despite Hermione's efforts to be seen and recognized for who she was, Severus remained oblivious to her presence. She would very much rather be dreaming about scary things, monsters and ghouls, that would make her scream and wake up panting. But in the morning, it all seemed unimportant, especially when she woke up next to Severus. She could handle a few nightmares for the benefit of waking up next to him.

Another night of tossing and turning from Hermione's part, left Severus awake, pondering the reason behind this restlessness. He looked intently at her back which was turned to him and hoping that she'd stop soon. He hated to see her in such distress, even if it was in her sleep. She hadn't mentioned anything about her nightmares to him, so he didn't know what could be causing them. Her anxiety about teaching perhaps? He rubbed her back tenderly to relieve some of the stress, both hers and his. Hermione shuddered and then became very still, and he thought this meant the dream was coming to an end. He moved closer and kissed her shoulder.

"Hermione?" he whispered, his lips very close to her neck.

Without speaking, she pressed her back to his chest but he wasn't certain if she was still asleep. It was something she often did in her sleep, touching him in one way or another, moving her body closer to his. When he heard her inhale sharply, Severus realized she was still asleep, still dreaming. He couldn't think of a way to help her. At some point, he'd thought about suggesting that she'd take a Dreamless Sleep potion but it would mean confronting her about the nightmares and she clearly didn't want to talk about them. His hands were metaphorically tied.

"Where are you, Hermione?" he asked, not really expecting an answer.

She gritted her teeth and turned to lie on her back. Looking closely at her face, he noticed a few drops of sweat forming on her forehead. Hoping that she could feel it in her sleep, he kissed her temple and moved downward until he reached her mouth. It seemed like a good spot for his lips to linger. And then, further down, on her neck, where he had to use all his strength in order not to bite too hard. When she responded to his attentions with a soft moan, he believed that he'd managed to chase the demons away. But as he was about to continue his descent to her breasts, her voice startled him. It was as though a ghost was speaking. "Will this never end?" she said and Severus looked at her to find that she hadn't woken up, but he felt like her words were addressed to him. He pulled back and resumed his previous position, as Hermione's breath started coming out evenly, announcing the end of her nightmare and the beginning of his.

* * *

><p>He despised doing that; after all this time, acting like a spy, when there was no need for spying. But he knew he was going to do it, it was decided. <em>No turning back<em>, he thought as his hand steadily held the vial over a cup of steaming tea. Only a few drops and he would finally know everything she was hiding from him. He'd thought about using Legilimency instead, except he wanted to hear the words from her mouth. He also perceived this as an act of cruelty and oh, how he'd missed being cruel! Before handing her the cup, he pondered the possibility of simply asking but quickly dismissed the thought. Hermione turned to thank him with a smile, took the cup from his hand and went back to looking out the window. Severus waited patiently for the moment when she would take a sip, as the vial weighed heavily in his pocket.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Hermione said dreamily.

Severus stretched his neck to get a better view of what was going on outside. A moment ago, it was raining. Had the weather changed so rapidly? No, he realized and resumed a position that didn't hurt his neck as much.

"It's raining," he told her simply.

"Yes, I can see that. Isn't it absolutely gorgeous?" she said with a grin and lifted the cup to her lips. Severus narrowed his eyes and waited, imagining the liquid travel down her throat. He wondered whether he should start feeling regret for his action. A few more minutes and he would finally know the truth. It was too late to back off now. His eyes scanned her face carefully.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked and took another sip of her tea.

"You look a little... sad, for lack of a better word. You're smiling but you look sad," he told her. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was..." She hesitated for a split second but went on "...thinking about the baby," she said and seemed surprised by her own words, as she looked around, disoriented and worried.

"Is that what your nightmares are about? A baby?" he said harshly, barely understanding what she meant as his heart clenched along with his stomach. _Who's baby_, he wondered.

"My nightmares are about you!" Hermione said and gasped, utterly shocked at the things she was revealing. Her hands started shaking and she almost dropped the cup. Instantly, her eyes focused on the warm tea and widened in horror as realization struck her. "What did you do?" she asked him. She already knew, of course, she had guessed it, but couldn't believe it until she heard it from him. "Severus, what did you do?"

"As you very well know, I'm not a patient man," he said calmly, concealing his agony behind a glare. He was causing her nightmares... No wonder she didn't feel like talking about them! "I don't like it when people keep secrets from me and I only know two ways of dealing with that."

"Veritaserum? You gave me a potion?" she questioned.

And he thought she'd looked sad before... Now she looked completely heartbroken. The image almost tore him apart. He wished he could turn back time, throw the damned potion away! Her eyes were imploring him to deny that he had done such a thing. What he wouldn't give to be able to tell her that he was better than that! Now they both knew that he wasn't.

"You forced me to do it," Severus answered her with fake cruelty.

"This is illegal! This is wrong!" she yelled and threw the cup to the floor, where it smashed, staining the carpet with tea. "If you wanted to know, you could have asked me!"

"I would have asked, if I'd thought you would be honest with me," he retorted.

"What reason would I have to be dishonest?" Hermione cried. "I have nothing to hide!"

"Apparently, you do."

Hermione felt a wave of nausea upset her stomach. She looked at him and realized, she had signed up for this. This was the man she loved, in all his glory and in that moment she hated him beyond belief. She glared back at him and steadied herself.

"I would never have thought that the marvellous Severus Snape would stoop so low!" she shouted, crossing her arms on her chest. "Very well, Severus! You have questions. I won't stop you from asking them. But consider this, before you begin your little game of interrogation!" she spat. "Are you ready for my answers? Can you handle whatever spills out of my mouth? Because I don't think you can! I don't think you are prepared for what I might say! So, think carefully before you ask me anything!"

Severus weighed his options. He could begin bombarding her with questions and indeed get the answers he'd hoped for, but would his heart survive the confrontation? And would Hermione ever forgive him? She was right. He wasn't ready to hear that she didn't want him, that she didn't love him, that he was the material of nightmares. He'd made the decision of giving her the potion on an impulse, he hadn't thought it through. Seeing her in this furious -yet fragile- state, his mistake became very obvious. Could he hope to fix it at this point? He turned his eyes to her, ashamed.

"Hermione, I..." he muttered. "I will not ask you anything."

"I didn't think so!" Hermione told him, still shaking. "I could stay here and give you a proper lecture about trust and privacy, but I suspect it wouldn't make much of a difference! For one who doesn't like being disrespected, you have certainly demonstrated a great lack of respect to my person!" Then, she turned around and left.

Severus stayed put, cursing his foolishness. Digging his fingers into his hair, he had to resist the urge to pull them, the same way she did whenever she was stressed. Why couldn't he have trusted her? Why did he have to go and destroy everything? Despite recognizing his fault, he couldn't convince himself to get up and run after her, beg her for forgiveness. No, he would never do that, he resolved, fully accepting the consequences of his decision.

**A/N: Beta still MIA... I apologize for any mistakes and I hope that you enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think! Please? :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 17**

**A/N: Another chapter! We're not close to the end yet, so don't despair! Read and review, please! Lots of love! :)  
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**(Beta, beta, I miss you! Didn't want to bother you with this while you're so busy!)  
><strong>

Walking at a safe distance behind Hermione, Severus tried to convince himself that following her wasn't as bad as tricking her into drinking the _Veritaserum_, as he was simply worried due to her prolonged silence and needed to make sure she was fine. How two days counted as prolonged silence though, he couldn't explain. According to him, this new attempt at spying on Hermione was completely justified, not to mention that being under a Disillusionment charm meant he wouldn't be found out. He had thought this one through, he was certain of his success. Despite feeling deeply ashamed, he pressed on, matching her pace so that the sound of his footsteps wouldn't give him away, all the while thinking _Damn you, Granger, you're going to be the death of me, and _disregarding his own mind's instructions to go back home and wait. As soon as he was certain that Hermione was doing well, he would turn around and walk away.

_Does she look like she's not doing well_, the voice of reason mocked. _She's alive, breathing and everything! Let her be, Severus!_ But he didn't. Instead, he kept walking behind her, following her into crowded streets and silent alleys, as she made her way to an unknown destination. He realized that she was moving further away from Diagon Alley and closer to Muggle areas. Eventually, she stopped and waved at someone across the street. Severus felt his wand hand twitch, when he spotted Ronald Weasley waving back at her with a wide smile on his face. The voice of reason stepped in again. _Don't jump into conclusions._ This time, he agreed and taking a deep breath, he tried to relax.

Hermione running to Weasley and pulling him in a warm hug, didn't help much. Neither did the fact that she also smiled to him, a lot, as they entered a jewellery store together. Severus didn't follow them inside but he watched from the window, and saw them browsing through countless items; bracelets, rings, brooches. Nothing seemed to please them though and he couldn't fight back a smirk. After what seemed like ages, Hermione chose a simple yet elegant necklace and after placing it on her own neck, she turned excitedly to Ron. From what Severus could see, he deduced that Weasley approved of her choice, in spite of the green gem hanging from the chain, resting just above Hermione's breasts. They both looked very happy when they exited the store and Severus had to look away from them. He stood perfectly still, allowing them to walk several feet away before he could make himself move again. Weasley had paid for a necklace which Hermione had chosen. A very expensive present to give to someone who has cheated on you. Unless...

"Thank you, Hermione! I'm not very good at choosing gifts. I don't know what I would have done without you!" Ron told her as they walked side by side. "I've put this off for too long!"

"You're welcome!" she beamed at him. "I told you we would find the perfect engagement present for Ginny, didn't I? I know that as a proud Gryffindor she would probably prefer red and gold, but I really do believe she's going to like this!" Hermione replied. In her heart of hearts, she knew she'd chosen green because of Severus but that didn't make the present any less suitable for her friend.

"Emeralds, rubies... What's the difference?" Ron shrugged. "As long as they're shiny and expensive, girls like them, don't they?"

"No, I don't think so..." Hermione frowned slightly. "Not all girls are fond of shiny, expensive things. Especially not Ginny! Honestly, Ron..."

"I know, I'm sorry! It sounded completely idiotic but I didn't mean it like that!" he apologized. "I'm not sure what I meant... Oh, don't pay any attention to me! I'll never learn what girls like!"

Hermione watched him scowl and smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry, you will learn. At some point!" she teased.

As she walked beside Ron, talking about trivial things, she felt uplifted and decided to put an end to the argument between her and Severus. How was it possible that she could trust him with her life but not be able to bring herself to accept a cup of tea from his hand again? But she did believe that things could be fixed still, go back to normal. Would it have been a good time to admit her feelings and her fears then, under the influence of the damned potion? No, she reasoned. He definitely would have believed her but it wouldn't have been the right time to do it. It certainly hadn't felt right to her. And it was stupid really, avoiding him like that. Yes, she would finally tell him all about her nightmares, she would tell him that she loved him and let him handle that piece of information, as best as he could.

"You're not even listening to me, are you?" Ron realized.

"Of course I'm listening! You were talking about Quidditch!" she said.

"No, I wasn't. I was talking about us," he told her with a serious look in his eyes.

Hermione blushed profusely. "About us? I thought we were doing fine, being friends again..." she said.

"I don't know, Hermione... I'm still finding it hard to cope with our situation. I thought it would have gone away by now, this pain in my chest," he whispered, looking away, as though he didn't really want to be telling her this.

"Oh, Ron! Why did you agree to start seeing me again, knowing that you feel this way?" she asked him.

"Because not seeing you doesn't make it any better!" he confessed. "Are you still madly in love with him? Are you still happy?"

"Yes!" she said. Because she was. Despite his abominable behaviour, she was still in love with Severus. She was still very happy and had no doubt that she would continue to be happy, as long as he kept her by his side.

"So you don't feel anything when I do this?" Ron said and leaned in for a kiss.

Hermione kept her eyes open the whole time, feeling her body stiffen from the moment Ron's lips touched hers, and she remained there frozen, detached. She wondered what it would be like to kiss him back but she didn't, because no matter how soft and warm Ron's lips were, they weren't the lips she was craving for. Severus, who was positioned far enough from the pair, hadn't heard their conversation but witnessed the kiss all the same. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and considered the possibility of a heart attack. He wanted to kneel down, right there in the street, and die, for good this time. But when had life been kind enough as to relieve him from his troubles? Glancing at Ron's back which was hiding Hermione from his view, he cursed under his breath. _Well, what did you expect, you git?_ Thinking of Hermione's mention of a baby, her nightmares... He Disapparated immediately, not worrying about splinching.

Ron pulled back and looked at Hermione expectantly, but didn't see what he was hoping for. "Nothing?" he implored.

Hermione shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"I still don't get what you see in him, Hermione. I suppose I never will..." He sighed. "So where does that leave us?"

"Ron, I'm still your friend. And I'll always be! But I guess, the wise thing to do is stay away from each other, for a little while longer," she advised.

"I knew you'd say that..." Ron wheezed but agreed with her, as they parted ways.

* * *

><p>It's not that he wanted to hurt her, he just wanted to be done with it, as soon as possible. Let her fly away and then, live alone, drowning in his misery. He knew he would. It was a crazy thing to say, especially coming from him, but life wouldn't be the same without Granger. His Hermione... No! She never was, never would be his! She wanted to leave. She wanted to go back to Weasley. So, he would let her have her heart's desire, because he wanted her to be happy, even if it was with someone else, even if it filled his own heart with jealousy and anger.<p>

His trance was broken by a shy knock on the door. Severus knew who it was. Her timing was perfect. He didn't get up to open the door; she was just being polite, knocking once before letting herself in. Looking thoughtfully at the wall, he heard her footsteps approaching.

"Severus? Are you here?" Hermione called out.

"In the living room," he said, his voice dragging as though he was extremely tired.

"Alright, Severus!" she said, rushing into the room. "I think it's time you and I had a little-" She noticed a rather small box on the table, the belt of her bathrobe hanging out of it and her voice faded but she quickly composed herself. "What is this?" She knew what it meant, she was no idiot! But she had to ask. She always had to ask.

"It looks like a box to me," Severus replied casually and walked to the window, turning his back to her. He couldn't bear looking at her face.

"I can see it's a box, I'm not blind!"

"Then I don't understand why you had to ask," he said again, his tone becoming colder.

"I suppose I should be shocked, but I'm not," Hermione managed to say with a trembling voice.

"All the better," Severus replied harshly. Where was that cruelty coming from? He had no desire to hurt her! Was he doing it just so he could hurt himself? Yes, he realized, that was the real reason. Ever the martyr, ever the fool...

"At least, look at me!" she begged. "You owe me that much!"

"I owe you nothing, miss Granger. Please, remove yourself from my home," he said, stressing her last name. He was determined to keep calm, no matter what happened. _Keep calm, do not falter..._

"It's because of Lily, isn't it? It's always because of Lily!" Hermione insisted.

Severus turned his head and looked at her inquisitively. "What do my past affections have to do with this?" he asked her, quirking his brow.

"Past?" she yelled at him, tears beginning to spill from her eyes. "Past is what we leave behind! Not what we carry in our hearts forever!"

"Stop your crying, woman!" Severus ordered, rolling his eyes. Her tears were clouding his judgement. Why was she even crying? What reason did she have to cry? He was offering her freedom!

"Do not mock me!" Hermione spat. "I will _remove myself from your home_! Because your heart is still occupied by a ghost and that's just as good as not having a heart! Are you seriously going to spend the rest of your life alone with a shadow?"

"You are making no sense at all..." he muttered. "Now, get out."

"It's not good for you, Severus! You are hurting yourself, don't you see?" she went on, ignoring his admonition.

"Look at you, pretending to care about my well-being! I'm touched!" Severus said scornfully.

"Pretending? I'm not pretending!" Hermione said, utterly confused.

"I have had it with you, Granger! I'm sure you find it very amusing, storming into men's lives, making them love you and then, running off to the next person who would be foolish enough to take you! And if one is lucky enough to see what you truly are, you start blaming a dead person? For shame!" he replied, hoping that his glare had the power to make her recoil in fear. "Why don't you just leave?"

"What are you talking about? When did I... Are you saying that you..." She tried to find the words, place them in the correct order and make them mean something but she couldn't. A thought nudged at her but there was too much to deal with at the moment, and she couldn't figure it out.

"Do I have to hex you, Granger? Because I will!" he threatened. "Go! Weasley will gladly take you back! His earlier behaviour is proof of that!"

"No, no, no..." she chanted. "Did you follow me? Did you?" Hermione felt scared but at the same time, she realized Severus was being jealous. Was it because he didn't like sharing his "toys" or could there be more behind it?

"What if I did?" Severus retorted.

"What is it that you think you saw? You misunderstood the scene, Severus! Please, let me explain!" she said and he looked away once more. Her sad eyes were tearing his soul into shreds.

"Explain this then!" he ordered. "What was that baby you mentioned the other day?"

"You can't possibly think-"

"That Weasley got you pregnant? Why not? All evidence points to that!" Severus sneered.

"It was your baby I was talking about! Yours and mine!" Hermione shouted in his face and watched him back away. "Don't lose your mind over this! There is no baby!" she corrected, mistaking his disoriented look for disgust. "I'm not pregnant!"

Of course not, Severus thought. Despite the circumstances, he couldn't help but long for it, couldn't help but wish for a family, with her... He knew it was hopeless the very instant he thought of it.

"Let's just sit down and talk, Severus, please! We can fix this!" she pleaded.

"Nothing you have to say will change my decision," he told her. "I want you gone."

"Even if I say I love you?" Hermione whispered, trying to hold back her tears as she took in his expression, and realized she'd never seen him look angrier before.

"I do not tolerate lies!" he said through gritted teeth.

"I'm not lying!" She was deeply hurt by his inability to trust her. "I love you! I really do, Severus, and I know I should have told you sooner but I was afraid! Because you said I was tiresome and that I made you want to scream in frustration! I've never been more afraid in my life and that has to mean something! Please, believe me!" Hermione admitted, tugging at his robes, hoping that she could make him change his mind, just this once.

"How would you know about that?" he asked. He'd thought he was alone that day at the cemetery... Who else could have been demented enough as to visit a grave in the middle of a blizzard? "You manipulative, little..." He tried very hard not to raise his hand because he really didn't want to hit her. "You made all that fuss about the _Veritaserum_ when you've been spying on me all along?"

"I didn't manipulate you! I never did!" Hermione protested. "And I had no intention of spying on you! I was at the cemetery with Harry, before you arrived!"

"Out..." Severus hissed as his hands began to shake. "Leave..."

"Quit being so stubborn! Can't you see that I am being honest?" she begged him. "I love you!"

"If you won't leave, then I will!" he said and made for the exit.

"Severus..." she called after him, making him pause at the doorway. "We never stood a chance, did we?"

With his back turned to her, it was easier to ignore the tears, so he didn't answer. He just left. Hermione flinched at the sound of the door slamming. She couldn't move from her place. She stood there, like an idiot, still crying and cursing her foolishness. She thought she knew him, she thought she understood how his mind worked but she was wrong. Looking back at their time together, she realized that the signs were very clear. All those little things he did which took her by surprise, like laughing with her or staring at her from the other side of a room... Those were all proof of his affection -she couldn't bear to call it _love_- but she had been too blind, too scared and too stupid to acknowledge them. Waiting for him wouldn't do any good. He wouldn't return while she was still there. It required a lot of strength to collect the box he had packed for her; she didn't want to leave. She didn't. But she had lost him and there was no sense in denying it, no sense in fooling herself any longer.


	18. Chapter 18

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 18**

Harry Potter would have never thought that it was so easy for a person to disappear completely. It was as though Severus Snape had been wiped from the face of the earth, like he'd never existed. Harry hadn't used his connections in the Ministry to track him down. That would have been too much. But even if he had done that, he didn't believe it would have worked. When a man like Snape wanted to hide, hoping to find him was futile. Ginny kept asking if he'd heard something, everyday, and everyday he shook his head. He had convinced himself that he was doing this only for Hermione's sake -despite her insistence to leave things alone- but truth be told, he was worried about his old professor. Anything might have happened to him. Another thought popped into his head: no news is good news. But it failed to comfort him.

"Can you believe this?" Ginny shrieked. "Snape is acting like a child!"

"I don't think-" Harry tried to say.

"Leaving poor Hermione like that!" she interrupted again.

"Hermione wouldn't appreciate being called-"

"Hiding from her like this is a game!" Ginny went on. "If you manage to find him, I'll kill him! I've said it before but I mean it this time!"

"Ginny!" Harry tried to draw her attention. "I don't agree with what he's doing any more than you do, but I'm sure Snape has his reasons!"

"Do you mean that Hermione deserves this sort of treatment?" his fiance questioned.

"Of course not! Of course she doesn't deserve it! How could she?" He sighed and removed his glasses in order to rub his eyes. "Ginny, I already feel bad about interfering. You know Hermione has asked me to stay out of this! What do you suppose she'll do to me when she finds out I've been looking for him all this time?"

"But Harry, she doesn't really mean it!" Ginny said lovingly and patted his hand. "She wants to find him!"

"Yeah, but he doesn't seem very keen on being found!" he argued. "And Hermione is doing... fine, I guess. She's not as depressed as she was a month ago. She studies a lot, preparing for Hogwarts... She doesn't really need Snape. Maybe I should just stop looking for him."

"Hermione is brave and strong and she would never let you see how much she's hurting! She's not fine! And I hate to say that but despite how well she seems to be doing, I don't think she's ever going to be fine again!" Ginny said and slammed her fist on the table.

"_Will you put that book down?" Ginny asked Hermione, who had been transforming a cup into a mouse and then back to a cup for the last half hour, with her nose buried in a book the entire time._

"_Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, Ginny! I'm very stressed about teaching and you know I find reading very relaxing!" Hermione apologized, turning the cup into a mouse again. The mouse ran across the floor, heading for the door but before it could make it out, it was a cup again. Hermione didn't have to say the spells out loud anymore. With a swish and a flick, she levitated the cup and placed it gently before her feet._

"_How long do you plan on torturing that poor mouse?" Ginny asked her._

"_It's not a mouse, silly! It's a cup!" Hermione giggled. It felt good, giggling. She had almost forgotten how to do that. It had also taken her some time to remember how to flex her muscles into forming a smile, but she'd achieved that as well._

"_Can't you just talk to me instead?" her friend urged as the cup became a mouse, yet again._

"_I can talk to you, practice Transfiguration and read at the same time. It's called multi-tasking!" she retorted._

_Cup._

"_What are these?" Ginny asked, examining a pile of letters on Hermione's desk. _

_Mouse._

"_Letters," Hermione replied absentmindedly._

_Cup._

"_Yes, I can see that, thank you! Who are they from?"_

_Mouse._

"_They're from me. Addressed to Severus. All returned, unopened," Hermione explained. _

_Cup. With a pink tail._

"_Your cup has a tail," Ginny noticed._

"_I will fix it," she replied._

_Cup. No tail, pink or otherwise._

"_There!" Hermione smiled in triumph._

"_You've been writing to him? All this time?" Ginny inquired._

"_I have. But I gave up. I'm too tired to keep doing this..." she said._

_Mouse. Running to the door. Cup again. Hermione levitated it back and examined it with a frown. It had whiskers. What was she doing wrong? She charmed the whiskers off it and tried again._

"_So, you know where he is?" the redhead asked._

"_Of course not!"Hermione told her. "But I was hoping Rufus would find him. I was wrong."_

_Mouse._

"_Maybe you should keep trying. I know I was the one who told you to leave him, but that was when I didn't know he loved you back," Ginny said._

_Cup._

"_Did you hear me, Hermione? If Severus is the one for you, if you really believe that, maybe you should give it another try!" she insisted._

_Mouse._

"_No," Hermione said simply._

_Cup._

"_Why not?" Ginny pressed on._

_Mouse._

_Cup._

_Mouse._

_Cup._

_Mouse._

"_Hermione?"_

_With a loud bang, the mouse exploded, leaving behind a mixture of porcelain shards and pieces of skin covered in grey fur. Hermione put her wand aside and dropped to her knees, picking up the pieces, muttering "I'm sorry! Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I'm so terribly sorry!" as she sobbed over the remains of the transfigured object._

"_Hermione, it was just a cup," Ginny tried reasoning with her._

"_So what if it was just a cup? So what? Am I not allowed to cry anymore?" Hermione yelled at her and let the pieces drop down around her feet. _

"_I can fix it for you..." Ginny mumbled, pulling out her wand._

"_No!" Hermione shouted. "Let it be! Not everything can be fixed with magic, Ginny! Sometimes, things break and you just can't put them back together! You have to accept that they're broken, put them in the bin and move on with your life!"_

"_I didn't mean to-"_

"_What would I do with this cup now, knowing that it's been broken? I wouldn't be able to see the cracks, but in my heart, I would know! I would always look at it and think 'I broke that cup once! It was a beautiful cup and I went and blew it up, and then I flicked my wand and fixed it! No harm done!' But it wouldn't do, would it? Because I'd know!"_

"_Please, calm down!" Ginny muttered._

"_I'm almost certain that he got the damned letters! But if he did, he didn't even bother reading them before sending them back! Every single letter I wrote to him has been returned, except one and I'm sure it will be flying through my window any day now! What am I supposed to do? Wait for him for the rest of my life? He doesn't want to hear from me! It's over! And I'm tired!" she said, pushing her hair out of her face and wiping the tears away as well. "I'm going to be a teacher at Hogwarts! I can't let myself become this heartbroken caricature of a person that students laugh at, no, I refuse to let that happen!"_

"_You will be an amazing teacher, Hermione," Ginny told her, carefully refraining from mentioning Severus Snape._

_Hermione looked at her friend and sighed. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Please, forgive me!" she said and exited the room in a haste._

Harry listened to Ginny's narration of the incident with his mouth gaping. He knew of Hermione's temper and combined with a broken heart, he was surprised that the only thing she'd blown up was a cup. But he also knew that when Hermione had her mind set on something, she always succeeded. She would forget all about Snape, eventually. She had to.

* * *

><p>Two envelopes had arrived by owl that night and Severus had instantly recognized the handwriting on both. Rufus carrying one of them would have given away the sender in any case. Severus rarely opened any letters anymore, so why had he chosen to open that one? The envelope looked exactly like the many he had sent back , not without considerable pain while doing so. It was just too hard, seeing the gracious curves of Hermione's handwriting, spread on paper. It made him stir uncomfortably and gnaw on his bottom lip. It made him want to <em>Crucio<em> someone, anyone! He thought he had done a good job at hiding away from the world, but apparently, the world wouldn't let him have his peace. He would open the letter simply to prove that he wasn't a coward, he'd thought. Not because he needed to find out how Hermione was doing, certainly not! He was willing to prove he wasn't a coward, but his hands betrayed him by trembling slightly as he carefully opened the envelope.

"_Dear Severus"_

Two simple words, not the most important in the world and yet, he had to stop reading and inhale deeply because he could almost hear her, uttering those words, as though she was standing next to him, whispering in his ear.

"_You didn't have to leave like that. The only thing you needed to do was tell me to stay away and I would have done it. I hate to think I am to blame for your disappearance._

_Sending you all those letters seems rather pointless now. Even if they do reach you, I'm convinced you don't want to read them, that you don't want to hear from me, but I can't help it. There are so many things I want to say to you. I love you. I miss you. I can't live without you... But most of all, I'm sorry. Maybe it's too late for me to say that, maybe falling on my knees and begging wouldn't help at all. I know you too well, you're not the kind of person that would be swayed by tears. That is one of the reasons why I love you. Your integrity. Your pride. Even your cruelty! Perhaps I deserve it..."_

"Trust Granger to take the blame for things she's not guilty of!" He tried to be amused by her foolishness but he failed. Imagining the state she must have been in when she wrote this, only served as a reminder of his own guilt, and the awful way in which he had treated her. The pride that she loved so much had overwhelmed him and he hadn't been able to control himself anymore. "Yes, it was your pride's fault, Severus, you bastard!" he cursed under his breath.

"_For the smartest witch of my age, I acted rather foolishly, wouldn't you agree? I wish I could have been smarter. I claimed to know your character perfectly but I never noticed. How come I never noticed, Severus? Are you really that good at concealing your true feelings or was I that bad at interpreting the signs? I think it's the latter. I understand now. I understand why you never called me 'love' or 'darling', why you never asked to hold my hand in public. You thought I already knew, didn't you?"_

"You should have known! You should have!" Severus exclaimed, angry and then, surprised when no answer came. Her presence was almost tangible. For a moment, he'd expected her to tap his shoulder and kiss him on the cheek.

"_Sometimes, when I'm really sad, I wonder if we were even real. It seems like it was all a dream, blurring at the edges, now that you're gone. Your voice, or rather the memory of it, is what confirms the reality of us. The way it used to soften when you said my name. You would certainly have laughed in my face, had I told you that in person! Well, I have no doubt you're laughing right now. And I hate you for that."_

In fact, he was smirking. He was enjoying reading this letter, despite its gloominess, despite the sadness it invoked and he allowed himself to admit that he had missed her terribly. Hermione Granger, her horrid hair and her soft lips.

"_There is a reason for everything though. Even this pain in my heart must have a purpose. We met, however briefly, in this life and I'm grateful for every precious moment, despite the way we ended it. I'm sorry for the things I've done which caused you grief. I hope, one day, you will be able to forgive me. I hope you will be able to talk to me and not look as disgusted as the last time I saw you. I'm not stupid enough to believe that we could ever be friends. And frankly, I have no desire of being your friend. I have learned my lesson. But wouldn't it be nice, if we met in the street and smiled at each other? Just smile, no need for words. I think it would be nice."_

Severus caught himself picturing her smile. It was painful; not the smile but the fact that he couldn't see it anymore, except with his mind's eye. His heart heaved in his chest and he sighed once more, feeling the need to insult someone, just so he could feel powerful again, not weak and broken like he was.

"_I suppose I will never know how you really felt about me. But I consider myself lucky, having felt what true love is like. You may have your doubts about it, but if you know me as well as I think you do, you will know I'm not lying. That's what it was for me. True love. And it would make me very happy if you could believe me."_

If he allowed himself to believe her, really believe her, what would he do then, Severus wondered...

"_I will never forget you. I couldn't if I tried! You are so far away from me -where are you really?- and I can still feel you here sometimes! And I'm tired, Severus. So very tired! It's been months. Months! I will be moving to Hogwarts soon and hopefully, I won't have time to think of you, I won't have time to think about how much I miss you. But somehow, I don't think that's possible._

_Annoying, tiresome, forever yours,_

_Hermione Granger"_

Severus crumpled the letter and threw it in the fireplace. After doing so, he wished that he wouldn't have been such a fool. He could have at least kept it. It was just a piece of paper, nothing more, but perhaps, he needed something to confirm the reality of his relationship with Granger, just as much as she did.

He reached for the second envelope. "What does she want this time?" he wondered as he opened it.

**A/N: Hello, dear readers! I appreciate all the reviews, alerts and favourites more than you can imagine! It took me a while to post this chapter but I hope you will like it. Let me know what you think! And have a nice day! :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 19**

Looking around at the faces of her colleagues and of all the students, Hermione felt pleased with the course her life had taken. A professor at Hogwarts! Who could believe that? As she sat next to Sybil Trelawney, who was talking about one of her strange prophecies, Hermione's eyes travelled all around the Great Hall, taking in the enthusiasm of the students. She couldn't help but notice the batch of first years with a hopeful feeling in her heart. The experience wasn't new but it felt different now, from where she was sitting. A professor, she thought again excitedly. The empty seat on her left declared that Professor Slughorn hadn't arrived yet and it made her worry, but before she could ask anyone about it, Headmistress McGonagall said a few brief words and the sorting ceremony began. Hermione tried guessing in which house the Sorting Hat would place each child. She got most of them right. And afterwards, when they'd started eating, she looked at them, and remembered how she felt on her first night at Hogwarts.

"Honestly, I expected more from him!" Hermione heard McGonagall whisper to professor Flitwick. Despite the whispering, she could tell the Headmistress was infuriated, probably because od Slughorn's absence. "He should have been here by now!"

"Do you think he might have changed his mind?" Flitwick asked.

"Changed his mind? What would make him believe that was an option? Foolish man! If he doesn't show his face before the feast is over..." the old woman's voice trailed off.

"Excuse me, Headmistress? I don't mean to interrupt but what's happened to Professor Slughorn?" Hermione asked.

"He suddenly decided to retire, my dear, only a week ago, forcing me to beg somebody else to fill in for him!" McGonagall replied. "Both Slughorn and the man who was supposed to replace him, have completely disappointed me! What am I going to do without a Potions Professor?"

Hermione's stomach clenched. She pushed her fork and plate away. "Who was supposed to replace Professor Slughorn?" she heard herself ask and wondered why her voice sounded so terribly strange.

"The infamous Severus Snape!" McGonagall told her, stressing the word 'infamous'. "But he has decided not to show, as it would seem!"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Headmistress! He will come," Hermione assured her. " He won't disappoint you." _Just for the chance to torture me, he'll come._

Minerva McGonagall was a very clever witch and despite paying little to no attention to gossip, she understood why the colour on Hermione's face seemed to change rapidly to white. "Oh..." she said simply and lowered her eyes to her plate, not wanting to say something that might sound inconsiderate.

"Do not worry about me, Headmistress!" Hermione forced a smile. "I can and will keep things at a professional level, I swear!"she said just as the doors slammed open and Severus Snape walked into the Great Hall, glaring at everyone. Her heart skipped a beat. Even as she was telling the Headmistress that he would actually show up, she wasn't really convinced she believed that. But there he was, moving towards the table, avoiding to look at her, or simply not caring enough to do so.

With panic almost evident on her face, Hermione realized that there was only one empty seat on the table and she gulped. He would have to sit next to her! Severus paused for a mere moment, coming to the same conclusion but quickly moved to the empty chair. He didn't even spare a glance on Hermione whose hands were shaking and as he leaned towards the Headmistress, she hastily hid those treacherous hands under the table. McGonagall's features relaxed, despite the heated whispers she was exchanging with Severus, which could only mean one thing. Severus was there to stay.

When the whispering stopped, Severus shot an angry look at Hermione and straightened his back. The buzz created by the many conversations taking place simultaneously in the Great Hall, made Hermione think that she could talk to him, just for a moment, without being overheard.

"Severus," she muttered.

Instead of responding, he shook his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the students, pretending to look around for any signs of misbehaviour.

"Severus, when did you come back?" Hermione tried again.

"That is none of your business!" he spat, his lips barely parting.

"Fine then! Have it your way," she whispered and placed her palms on the table, noticing that they had stopped shaking.

The next morning, Hermione took a deep breath, held her head high and walked into the classroom. She hoped the students couldn't tell how nervous she was, as she greeted them with one of her brightest smiles. Would the smile diminish their respect for her authority? It would better not!

"Hello! I am Professor Granger." The title rang strangely in her ears. It felt odd and comfortable at the same time. "To quote Minerva McGonagall, who taught this class when I studied here, _Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts_," she began her little speech. As the time passed, she felt more and more relaxed. Apparently, she had an aptitude for teaching. A few accidents occurred... Nothing to worry about though. These were first years, after all, she thought to herself.

_If Severus could see me now_, her mind whispered when she least expected it, but she refused to let it bother or distract her. If he didn't want to be with her, then so be it. If he couldn't put aside his foolish pride, it was his loss. She was Professor Hermione Granger and she would do just fine without him!

* * *

><p>Carefully planning her schedule, Hermione had managed to avoid Severus for the first month. It was a fortunate coincidence that whenever she happened to see him, he always had company or was busy in some way or another, giving her time to turn around and run. Only once had his eyes met hers, and the steel inside them had made her shiver; she would probably never see him smile again. Not to her, at least. But she was running out of excuses to avoid him and she was afraid that the next time they bumped into each other, she would be forced to speak to him. Despite his denial to speak to her, she would have to. That was what colleagues did, no matter how hard or unpleasant it could be.<p>

"Professor Granger!" one of her students called to her, beaming. "Professor, will you be accompanying us to our next trip to Hogsmeade?"

"Yes, I think I will, mister Radford!" she replied, knowing that Severus couldn't be tempted into chaperoning.

"That's great!" the boy exclaimed, his eyes shining as he ran back to his friends. "She's coming with us! I told you she would!" he told them, thinking that she couldn't hear him.

"Students developping crushes on you already, Granger?" a deep voice said next to her ear and Hermione spun around, utterly shocked to find Severus standing there and mostly because he'd addressed her. She cleared her throat.

"Frank Radford doesn't have a crush on me," she clarified. Turning her back to him, she started walking away. "And it's **Professor** Granger!"

She hoped to leave him behind, walking quickly down the corridor, but damn his long legs, it took only a couple of strides for him to catch up to her and match her pace, his arm briefly touching hers as they walked side by side! Did he feel the electricity, Hermione had to wonder, or was he completely oblivious to it? Did he care enough to notice?

"But mister Radford is not the only one looking at you with loving eyes..." Severus informed her and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. "Mister Benson seems to be infatuated with you as well," he went on.

"I haven't noticed," Hermione said sharply. "I'm too busy teaching!"

"Not to mention mister Morgan!" Severus pushed. "And I think I spotted mister Cooper following you around the other day."

"For goodness sake, I don't care, Severus!" She stopped walking and turned to face him. "They're my students! Not potential suitors!" she shrieked, forgetting to check for spectators before doing so. The last thing she wanted was for someone to notice the effect Severus had on her. She didn't want to break the promise she'd given to the Headmistress.

"There is the reaction I was hoping for!" Severus said with a funny look in his eyes. How he had missed her shrieking!

"If you were hoping to infuriate me, you've succeeded! Well done! Bravo! Now, kindly leave me alone!" Hermione told him and stormed off.

"Of course..." he said with a bow of his head and watched as she went on without him, the smirk on his face never fading.

**A/N: I was thinking of ending it here but now I'm not so sure.**

**Once again, thank you for your attention! Are you pleased with this chapter? I hope you are! :)  
><strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 20**

For the next few days, wherever Hermione went, she didn't go alone. Had she planned it or was it happening by accident? Severus couldn't tell but he didn't like it one bit. How could he approach and engage her in conversation, if she was never alone? He sighed and leaned on the trunk of a nearby tree, watching her from afar as she lectured a couple of students about the importance of proper wand movement. The children were looking intently at her and Severus realized, they liked her, as well as respecting her authority as a professor. And he was very proud of what she had achieved. Especially as he remembered that fear was the only thing he had ever inspired in his students.

"She certainly has an aptitude for teaching..." Sibyl Trelawney commented dreamily, interrupting his thoughts.

"Who?" Severus pretended that he had no idea what she was talking about, feeling very agitated that she'd conjured up the nerve to talk to him. He thought his behaviour towards her would be enough to keep her at bay, but apparently, the woman was determined to keep chatting as though they were good friends. Ever since his role in the defeat of the Dark Lord had been revealed, people seemed to be much more eager to talk to him and that was a bit unpleasant.

"Hermione Granger, of course!" Sibyl said passionately. " We argued a lot, when she was in my class, but I can't deny she's very good at her job."

"I do not care about Granger's talents," he growled.

"Come now, Severus, you're not fooling anyone! Well, maybe you're fooling some. But not me! I have the inner eye, you see!" she told him with a grin, excitedly pointing at her eyes as though she was expecting a third eye to appear on her face. Severus could have killed her for that grin! He didn't want anyone meddling with his personal matters, much less Sibyl Trelawney!

"I see how you look at her," she went on. "We've all heard of one thing or another about the two of you, but I don't think anyone ever believed it."

"I don't know what you mean," he replied, feigning ignorance quite successfully.

"I mean... About you two... Being in a relationship?"

Severus growled again.

"If you're worried that I'm going to speak to anyone else about this, don't be. I respect people's privacy. I just think it's a shame..." Sibyl said, scowling.

"What is?" Severus quirked an eyebrow.

"Two hearts broken... Such a shame..." she replied and walked away, shaking her head.

Severus wondered why he was paying any attention to a person as crazy as Trelawney. Turning his eyes to Hermione again, he saw her staring back at him but having been caught, she quickly looked away and started talking to her students again.

He was beginning to think that, agreeing to come back to Hogwarts, was one of the most stupid things he could have done. He'd never been very close to Minerva but she was clearly distressed when she wrote him that letter, practically begging him to return and he couldn't find it in his heart to deny her the favour. Although Hermione's letter might have influenced his decision as well, he could see now how exhausting it was to be around her, while pretending that he didn't care about her at all. But what could he do? They were constantly surrounded by students and members of the staff! He couldn't approach her in a setting where their every move would be observed, and he was almost certain she would refuse any invitation to meet him somewhere more private. It was no wonder, after the way he had treated her. Lost in thought, he strolled around corridors, going nowhere in particular. Students had been leaping out of his way but he hadn't noticed. He just kept moving. Until he collided with a seemingly immovable object.

"You look troubled, sir," Harry Potter said, resisting the urge to chuckle, as he carefully pushed back the startled professor . Since Severus strongly resembled a lovestruck teenager, it wasn't all that difficult to guess what was on his mind. Harry was pleased by the image his old professor presented. Perhaps there was still hope for Hermione and Snape to get back together. Even though he wasn't fond of sticking his nose in other people's business, he was willing to nudge Severus in the right direction. The man was lost, clearly, and needed all the help he could get. And Harry was a hero, after all.

"Potter... Will I never be rid of you?" Severus huffed in response.

"If someone heard you, sir, they would think you don't like me one bit!" Harry smirked.

"Yes, heaven forbid someone would think that..."

"You'll be terribly disappointed to know that I'm not here to see you, professor. I was looking for Hermione actually," Harry said and watched for the other man's reaction. But he should have known better. Tricking Severus Snape into showing any kind of emotion was an almost impossible quest.

"I'm sure you'll find her somewhere around here," Severus said and waved his hand absentmindedly. "I think I saw her talking to a group of Gryffindors a while ago."

"You think you saw her?" Harry questioned. "Could you be a little more specific as to the location?"

"This little game of yours isn't very amusing. I know what you're trying to do and let me tell you, it isn't going to work," Severus replied, narrowing his eyes.

"No?" Harry allowed himself to chuckle; he feared he might actually choke to death if he didn't.

"What do you want, Potter?"

Like some sort of divine intervention -or close enough, Severus thought- Hermione suddenly appeared. She was clearly about to turn around and walk away but before she could, she noticed her friend, standing there, chuckling.

"Harry! I almost thought you weren't coming!" she said, eyeing the two men suspiciously, careful not to let her eyes linger on Severus too long.

"Professor Snape and I were just catching up, Hermione," Harry said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Well, that's fine," Hermione told him and looked over at Severus who was staring at her again. All this staring was making her dizzy...

"How are you, Granger?" he asked, as though things between them were as casual as could be.

"I'm great, Severus, thank you for asking," she said, trying to maintain her composure. "And you?"

"Good, good..." Severus nodded.

Harry enjoyed the awkwardness which both Snape and Hermione were so eager to try and conceal. It would probably take more than a simple nudge to show them the error of their ways, but he was sure it could be done. He was never more certain about a couple's compatibility before.

"So, Harry." Hermione turned to him. "Should we get going? Professor Snape must be quite busy. We shouldn't be wasting his precious time," she said, failing to mask the hints of bitterness in her voice.

"Give me a minute, Hermione. I have a few more things I'd like to ask the professor. You go ahead. I'll catch up," Harry told her.

"Don't take too long," she replied and walked away reluctantly.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Harry addressed Severus again. "What are you waiting for?"

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Are you afraid she will turn you down?" Harry asked again.

"Turn me down? Please, Potter! Didn't you see her? She's mine for the taking!" Severus said and despite the arrogance in his words, his eyes revealed just how afraid he really was. "I only need say the word!"

"You don't want her then? No, I don't think that's the reason..."

"Why would you want us to be together, that is the real question," he said. _And why am I talking to you about this?_

"Oh, I don't know." Harry shrugged. "I want you to be happy, I suppose."

"Me?" Severus said and his eyes widened in surprise. "You want me to be happy?"

"Both of you. I think you've earned it. Don't you?"

"Hermione Granger is young, intelligent and beautiful," he told Harry in all honesty. "She can do better than me. She deserves better."

Harry placed his hand on Snape's shoulder and smiled kindly to him. "You're not being fair to yourself. You are a great man, despite what you think and Hermione wouldn't have chosen you if there wasn't something about you that she found extraordinary." Seeing how Severus seemed to be shocked by his gesture, as well as his words, Harry withdrew his hand and ruffled his own hair in an attempt to relieve the tension. "Besides, you can't decide for her. She should be allowed to choose for herself, don't you think?"

Severus was overwhelmed by Potter's affection. Not many people took an interest in his prosperity. Any trace of annoyance vanished as he realized he was moved by Harry's concern. How odd! He could have hugged the young man then, was he a man who hugged others. But he wasn't.

"Get out of my way, Potter!" Severus snapped and pushed him aside, walking away quickly, but Harry managed to catch a glimpse of a smile on the professor's lips and he thought that maybe, he had achieved something that day. The results of his "nudging" remained to be seen.

* * *

><p>"Don't you think you are overreacting, Granger?" Severus sneered when Hermione paused her screaming in order to breathe. Mister Rudford stood next to her, completely silent, whereas mister Benson had decided to hide behind Severus, until the shrieking professor calmed down. He looked surprisingly smug for someone who was at risk of being expelled. "It was a harmless prank, let's leave it at that."<p>

"A harmless prank?" Hermione yelled. "How can you say that? Blast-Ended Skrewts aren't harmless creatures! And your precious mister Benson tried to make mister Rudford eat one! That is not harmless, Severus!"

"But he didn't succeed, did he?"

"Since when do we judge the severity of a student's punishment based on whether he succeeded in hurting someone or not? His intent was very clear!" Hermione shouted in his face. "If he's not going to be expelled, then you will give him three months worth of detention, at the very least!"

"Seeing as he is a Slytherin, let me decide what his punishment should be," Severus replied and motioned for her to leave, consequently turning his back to her. "Take care of your little Gryffindor."

Hermione was deeply disappointed as she led Frank Rudford away from the dungeons. She couldn't believe Severus would turn a blind eye to Benson's dangerous behaviour and yet, he had. She took a good look at Frank and sighed.

"Frank," she said but quickly corrected herself. "Mister Rudford, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess," the boy said and shrugged. "I know you did your best, professor. I know that people like Benson don't get punished, that they can get away with anything."

The sadness in the small boy's eyes made Hermione even more angry. She wanted to show him that bad deeds do get punished. "Now, listen to me, Frank! Benson will get detention! I will see to it!" she assured him.

Frank shook his head in disbelief. "Professor Snape is mean and unfair."

Hermione opened her mouth to tell him that it wasn't true, that Severus was kind and caring but she couldn't find the words. She closed her mouth and stared at her student until the silence became awkward.

"Can I go now, professor?" Frank asked.

"Yes, of course!" she replied and as soon as he was out of sight, she turned around and almost ran back to the dungeons, so she could give Severus a piece of her mind. She wouldn't simply let this go! She was ready to storm in the classroom but she was surprised by the sound of glass shattering and Severus shouting. She couldn't stop herself from pressing an ear to the door and try to find out what he was so furious about.

"But, sir..." she heard Benson whimper. "You told professor Granger that-"

"I know what I told her!" Severus roared. "But that doesn't mean I approve of what you did! Did you think it would be funny? Killing a boy? Because that is exactly what would have happened, if professor Granger hadn't stepped in!"

"Sir, I didn't mean to..." the boy tried to explain but Severus was too angry to listen.

"Five months detention! Not one day less!" he went on. "You should be thankful that I didn't agree to your expulsion! Five months, Benson! And you will apologize to mister Rudford! You will apologize and you will mean it!"

"Yes, sir," the student replied.

"If you ever do something like that again..." Severus's voice trailed off but his tone conveyed the message perfectly. If Benson ever did something like that again, a possible expulsion would be the least of his worries.

Hermione quickly moved away from the door just in time for the boy not to see her as he darted outside. She almost felt sorry for him but remembering what he had done, even the tiniest trace of compassion disappeared. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself to face Severus and his wrath, which she wasn't entirely sure would not be aimed at her, the minute she walked through the door.

"Don't people knock before entering anymore?" Severus shouted and turned around. Seeing Hermione, he seemed to calm down a bit, but not completely. "What do you want now?" he said, pushing his hair out of his face. "Benson got detention! Don't start pestering me with your incessant nagging! I did what you wanted!"

"Thank you," Hermione told him, her voice shaking.

Severus was taken aback by her tone. He had expected her to protest but there she was, looking straight into his eyes, as though she hadn't been yelling at him minutes ago. As though he hadn't just yelled at her as well. "For what?"

"For giving your Slytherin detention." She smiled. "Even though my Gryffindor thinks you're mean and unfair, you did the right thing."

"You weren't expecting that, were you?" he said and rubbed his forehead.

"No, I wasn't. And I'm sorry. I should have known that you wouldn't let something like that go. I should have trusted you."

Neither of them dared say what they really wanted to say and the tension seemed to rise to dangerous levels, as Hermione stared at him while he was looking at anything but her. She had to speak up though, say something, or else the awkwardness would only increase up to the point where she wouldn't be able to stand being in the same room with him anymore.

"I haven't given you any reason to trust me," Severus broke the silence and there was so much sorrow in his voice that Hermione felt her knees tremble. But that wasn't what she wanted to hear him say. It wasn't what she wanted to talk about. The safety of the students and their punishment for acting foolishly was important, yes, but she needed something else, something which couldn't be ignored any longer.

"We are always misunderstanding each other, aren't we?" Hermione said and moved a bit closer to him. "Words, intentions... It's all a big jumbled mess!"

"It would appear so."

"Do you hate me?" she blurted out.

Severus tried not to laugh at her question. There was something in her eyes that warned him against it. "No," he said simply and the residues of his previous rage faded. "No, I don't hate you."

A sigh of relief escaped Hermione's lips. "That's good to hear," she informed him. "I thought-"

"Sometimes you think too much, Granger," he told her.

"I can't help it, darling." The word escaped her lips effortlessly and she held her breath. Looking up at Severus, she met his intense gaze and wondered if she should say anything or simply leave but she noticed him taking a step forward and frankly, she got too excited.

"Hermione..."

"We need to talk! Really talk, Severus!"

Severus raised an eyebrow, challenging her and himself as well. Oh, they would probably burn but he would make sure it would be a great big fire, and that they would enjoy the process of turning into ashes!

"Yes, we do. But if I'm not mistaken, we both have classes soon and this conversation would take more than a couple of minutes," he agreed.

"I am free tonight," Hermione informed him, walking to the door.

"Tonight then," Severus nodded in agreement. He only realized he was clenching his fists after he heard the soft click of the door as it closed behind her, and spotting the pieces of the vial he'd smashed earlier, just lying on the floor, he let out a laugh.

**A/N: Forgive me for taking so long to post this chapter. It's been sitting comfortably in a folder for some time now but I haven't been well. Thank you for your patience, the reviews and the favourites! I really appreciate it! I'm hoping you'll be pleased with this chapter. Let me know what you think! Which means... review, review, review! :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 21**

Each minute seemed determined to pass as slowly as possible and Hermione was glad there was not a clock in sight. The persistent ticking would have certainly driven her mad! It was the first time in her whole life that she couldn't wait for a class to end but she did her best, as usual. Even though a couple of her students noticed her odd behaviour and lack of usual smiles, none of them commented on it; it was nothing to worry about. Hermione watched the shadows grow longer and longer and silently cursed the sun for refusing to set.

* * *

><p>Severus sat stiffly in his chair, crossing and uncrossing his legs, huffing once or twice, looking generally uncomfortable. He had -quite unfairly- reduced Ravenclaw's points by a hundred but it had failed to soothe him. Finally, he settled on crossed legs and reminded himself not to be so mean to his students from now on; the poor little bastards weren't to blame for the mess he had made of his life. When he heard the soft knock on the door, he felt relieved and his body suddenly became numb. No, not numb. Tingly. Which was a million times worse. He cleared his throat and tried to sound calm.<p>

"Enter."

The door creaked open as Hermione stepped inside the room timidly and Severus nodded instead of a proper greeting. She sat in the empty chair across his and avoiding his eyes, she carefully placed her palms on her lap and took a deep breath. Then she looked up and smiled.

"How was your day?" she asked sweetly.

"Not that great," he admitted.

"We could do this another time, if you're not feeling well."

"No, I think we have stalled long enough," he retorted. "Our behaviour is beginning to attract attention. Unwanted attention. You don't want to let this matter affect your work and neither do I."

"I never allow anything affect my work," Hermione replied, somewhat vexed, thinking that wasn't entirely true. "That's not why I'm here."

"Yes, I know," he sighed. "I didn't mean it like that."

"We haven't even started yet and I'm already making a fuss." She laughed at herself. "I don't know why I do that. I'm sorry. Let's start again, shall we?"

"How was your day?" It was his turn to ask.

"Oh, not too bad! Not too good either. It was... strange."

"Would you like something to drink? I think I have a bottle of firewhiskey somewhere in here. If you prefer tea-"

"No, thank you." A pained expression crossed his face and noticing it instantly, she hurried to explain. "It's not that I don't trust you with liquids anymore, honestly. I just think my stomach won't be able to hold anything at the moment."

"Are you nervous?" Severus smirked.

"Aren't you?"

He nodded.

"So, how do we begin?" Hermione said and turning her eyes away, started worrying her lip. "I mean, we both have questions, right? We need to clear things up and... I don't know how to do this..."

Severus shared her reluctance. It had taken them quite some time to finally sit down and talk, and it would be terrible if one wrong word sent them back to uncomfortable silences, staring sessions and fleeing from each other. He was indeed nervous and perhaps a tiny bit frightened. Unaccustomed to such a mixture of emotions, he felt exposed and vulnerable but, he realised, that was the point. Baring your soul to someone isn't supposed to feel comfortable and fuzzy.

"Granger, I know I've been an enormous disappointment and I'd like to start by-" he began but she cut him off.

"You weren't. You didn't disappoint me, Severus. I disappointed myself. You... You broke my heart," she told him, looking at the ceiling. "I knew it would be difficult, getting you to open up. But I thought, 'he's worth it, he's worth the trouble'. And despite knowing just how difficult it would be, I somehow managed to do all the wrong things."

"In all fairness, my behaviour wasn't exactly exemplary." He smirked in an attempt to hide the traces of guilt on his face.

"I'm not saying you were perfect," she replied with a grin. "But you didn't really disappoint me."

"When do you think would be a right time to begin listing what we each think the other did wrong?" Severus said softly. "I don't mean to sound as though I have a list of things to blame you for, but if we hope to mend what has been broken, we must point out every mistake, don't you think? And we could stand here all night, apologising and reassuring but that is not going to help, is it?"

Hermione blinked several times but she didn't seem to be shocked by his suggestion. He was right, of course he was. In order to fix something, one must know what the problem is and not rely on instinct. She nodded her agreement.

"Ladies first."

"Oh," she mumbled, wishing she could somehow stall the inevitable. "I... I think that you could have been a little more trustful, maybe. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to trust people, having been a spy for so long but those days are over and I've given you no reason to suspect me!"

Severus wanted to agree with her, he really did but even though she was correct about his trust issues, she had given him many reasons to suspect her. "Oh, haven't you?" he replied, barely concealing a sarcastic grin.

She bit her lip. "Oh dear..." It was as good as admitting her mistake. He was certain she would start blushing, any minute now. If they weren't in the middle of an important conversation, he would already be kissing the red off her cheeks. It wasn't much of a surprise that almost all of his anger had dissipated by the time she turned her wide eyes to him. "In retrospect, it seems I have. I'm sorry," she told him.

"Why didn't you tell me about your nightmares?"

"Perhaps I should have," she said calmly. "But you see, I was convinced you were still in love with Lily and it wasn't easy, admitting that I was having nightmares about it. It was silly and I was afraid that you would either laugh at me or confirm my fears. I couldn't cope with either outcome."

"I wouldn't have laughed," Severus said and thought about reaching over and taking her hand, but he wasn't sure it would make things any easier. He was using almost all his strength in order to keep his distance, finish the conversation first and then, maybe, possibly... "I was concerned. I wouldn't have laughed," he repeated.

"Well, I couldn't be sure at that point. And I believed I was doing a great job at hiding it from you. It had nothing to do with trust, I assure you."

"You put me through hell."

"Did I? Was it really that bad?" she asked, her eyes wide and full of sorrow.

"If you add to it seeing you hug and kiss Weasley, you can imagine how bad it was," he huffed.

"You must understand, Severus, Ron is a dear friend. I can't just pretend I never met him. I love him very much. As a friend," she emphasised, noticing his eyes narrowing, "And I want him in my life. The kiss was... unfortunate, as was your spying, but it didn't mean anything. I didn't want him to kiss me and I told him I felt nothing afterwards. As for the hug you mentioned, it was only a hug, even though I honestly can't remember when that happened and-"

"McGonagall's birthday," Severus interrupted. "You were wearing the red dress."

It wouldn't be prudent to show him how pleased she was by the details he remembered, so she hid her smile behind her hand. He, of course, didn't miss the smile but it was such a comfort because of its sweetness and beauty that he didn't mind.

"Were you spying again, Severus?" she teased. "I seem to recall that you refused my invitation to join me at that dance several times."

"Not at that point, no. I was planning to surprise you," he told her and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "I wasn't spying!"

"Oh, darling!" Hermione exclaimed and barely resisted the urge to plant a kiss on his exquisite lips. "If only you'd come up to me and asked what was going on..."

"Yes, I acted rather foolishly. But you shouldn't underestimate the pride of an old man. It can be a most destructive force. At that moment, I simply wanted to disappear. The thought of making my presence known and assert whatever claim I believed I had on you, didn't even cross my mind," he explained.

"Pride is another issue. Right now, we're addressing the one of trust. Why did you feel the need to spy on me and consequently drug me?"

"Drug you? That is such a Muggle expression! I didn't drug you, I gave you a potion," he clarified, evidently displeased by her choice of words.

"We won't argue semantics, Severus. You gave me a potion, fine. It was completely unnecessary! I would have answered any question, if you'd only asked."

He snorted, somewhat offended. "You could have told me without me having to ask, couldn't you?"

"But I didn't know if you even cared about what was going on with me! It may sound stupid but I was certain then, that to you, I was only a way to pass the time!" Hermione whined.

"A way to pass the time?" he repeated, a mixture of surprise and fury in his voice. "How can you say that? I am not a boy whose affections change with the seasons!" He turned to look at the wall, only to avoid looking at her face.

"I know!" Hermione replied. "I know that your love is hard to win and because of that, even harder to lose! That is exactly why I thought you were still in love with Lily Potter!" She lowered her voice. "I felt the ghost of her getting in the way of us, despite not knowing if 'us' was something that could be achieved. It made me very angry and very sad at the same time. There were moments that I hated her, truly hated her, Severus! She was a good person and she's dead and I hated her! Can you imagine how awful that is? How cheap I felt afterwards? I was competing with a memory, a shadow. And I was losing!"

He didn't respond at once and Hermione wished he would say something, anything, if only to fill the silence. She felt they were making some progress, despite her outburst and she hoped that Severus wasn't currently thinking about kicking her out of his quarters. If that was the case, then it was truly over and she had no chance of ever winning him back. As his index finger tapped on his chin, she couldn't help but let out a sigh of distress and startled at the sound, he turned to look at her. His gaze was softer now and his mouth more relaxed than before, betraying the beginning of a smile, however sad.

"But there was no contest," he said.

The room felt colder. Or maybe it was just her because a shiver ran down her spine. She stood up from her chair and approached the fireplace, hoping to warm her aching heart a little. Severus didn't tell her how beautiful she looked, simply standing there, with her arms crossed, looking thoughtfully at the flames. If he'd learned something about this woman, it was that even her silence had a meaning, a trait they shared. He decided to stand next to her. Sitting away from her only provided distance and he was fairly certain that neither of them needed that.

"Hermione?" he said softly, taking his place beside her.

"Just collecting my thoughts," she said gloomily but didn't face him.

"Hermione..." He sighed. "Do you want to hear that you are important? That you matter? That you aren't just a replacement for a dead woman?"

She shook her head in response.

"Be honest, sweetheart."

It was the first time he talked to her this way, calling her sweetheart, his voice so soft and full of emotion. She hadn't lost him, no, it was clear now. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I want you to want to tell me those things, Severus. Hearing them would be great but not unless you mean them, not unless they come from your heart."

"Would that fix everything?" he questioned.

"It would be a start." After a small pause she added "You know I love you." It wasn't the right time to say it, but it was excruciating to feel the words trying to claw their way out of her throat.

"Still?"

"I can't believe how shocked you sound! Yes, still! And I know it took me too long to say it but I did, and I have no trouble saying it again. I love you. See?" Then she turned to him with a pained smile. "But you can't say it, can you?" Seeing him hesitate was a blow she wasn't ready for, even though she should have prepared herself for it. She shook her head again. "It's alright, you don't have to. That's what I meant, you have to want to say it, not be forced by me."

"I still have questions, that is all," Severus replied gently.

"Will the answers influence your feelings?"

"Certainly not. But we are here to talk, not fall into each other's arms and weep."

"Go on then," she nodded.

"There is one thing... It has been tormenting me since I last saw you. It is very important that you answer truthfully, Hermione."

"Of course," she assured him with a somber expression on her face. "Of course I will."

"You told me about a baby," he said but found himself unable to continue. She offered him a small smile. "Yes, I... I was wondering about that."

"There was no baby, I told you that as well. I thought I was pregnant, I took a test and found out I wasn't. That's all."

"Are you sure?" he pushed.

"Of course I'm sure! Why wouldn't I... Oh. I see," she said and her eyes became darker.

"I had to make sure. Please, forgive me." He turned away from her and tried to ignore the daggers she was staring at him.

"Were you terribly unhappy as a child?"

Her question took him completely by surprise. He thought it irrelevant, but it would definitely be connected to something in her mind and so he felt obliged to respond. "Terribly unhappy seems about right, yes. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Most parents love their children, you know. They think they're the best thing that could happen to them, a gift from the heavens above." The image she was describing was strange to him, unfamiliar but he knew what she meant. He knew what she was going to say before she said it. "Even at that time, with all my insecurities and fears threatening to make me explode, even though I believed you felt nothing for me, a child- your child would be the best thing that could happen to me. And I would love it with all my heart and I'd never, ever think about getting rid of it."

As his eyes started stinging, Severus moved further away from her and cleared his throat. "It is very strange to hear you say that."

"Why?"

"You are so kind, so gentle and all the while you're talking, I'm wondering what I've done to deserve the love you're so eager to profess."

"Look at me," Hermione ordered and he obeyed. "How can a man as clever as you think that way? Do you perceive yourself as unworthy of love and happiness? If that is so, let me tell you right now, you couldn't be more wrong! You are a good man and you deserve good things! Life has been hard on you, undoubtedly, but all the darkness and the sorrow is behind you now!"

"Maybe not unworthy, as you say, but I do question my good luck occasionally. I hate to admit that you're right," he smirked.

"It's about time you stopped then." She approached him. "At this point, I can't tell if you've never been loved by anyone or if you've been too blind to notice."

He chuckled bitterly. "The first, most likely."

"I can't believe that."

"Why not? It's not such a strange assumption." Suddenly, her small hand was covering his mouth, in an effort to stop all that nonsense from spilling out of it. Her eyes were practically begging him to stop but placing his hands on her waist and pushing her back just a tiny bit, he continued. "I am toxic, Granger. I am poison," he warned.

"If that is the case -and I'm not saying I agree with you- perhaps I am immune to your poison, Severus. Have you thought about that?"

Standing so close to her certainly didn't help with forming sentences. Severus could think of nothing to say. In that moment, he adored her with all his being because she wasn't trying to convince him about how wonderful she thought he was -although he had no doubt she would use more subtle methods in order to do that later. She accepted him for who he was, old and bitter and quite possibly, pathetic. She saw him and loved him, just the way he was.

He allowed himself to pull her a little closer. "You should know that despite all the things for which I accused you, I left because I didn't want to do you any more harm."

"I'm not as fragile as you think," she replied without a moment's hesitation, her eyes still fixed on his.

"I am trying very hard to control myself and saying things like that doesn't help," he informed her.

Hermione licked her lips and immediately blushed. "Yes, we were... talking, weren't we?" she said, as though she had just woken up from a good dream. She cleared her throat and pulled herself away from him. "What were we talking about?"

"Us. And our situation," he replied with a mischievous grin.

"Well, as you can see, I am doing perfectly fine without you," she said, straightening her blouse. "But I don't like it. And I am sure you were doing fine without me but I don't think you like it either."

"Perfectly fine?" Severus questioned.

"Maybe not perfectly..." she trailed off, blushing again.

Severus decided to be bold. At this rate, it would take them forever to come to a conclusion. "I want you back." She looked at him, surprised, although she shouldn't be. "If you want me back as well, that is."

"Of course I do, but... Will you start trusting me? Can you do that?" she asked.

"I can. I will. But you have to trust me too. You have to be able to confide in me, tell me what is on your mind, however embarrassing you think it might be," Severus replied. "As for my spying, I promise you it won't happen again. But as I'm sure I've told you before, I am very possessive. Not that it is a good thing, no. Just don't expect my being jealous to disappear completely."

"If it's within normal levels, I happen to find that sweet, you being jealous of me," Hermione giggled. " But I've been thinking, perhaps our most important mistake was that we rushed into the relationship, we didn't allow it to grow properly and mature. What do you say we just take it slow and see how it goes?" she suggested.

"Define slow," he said, taking a step towards her, his eyes conveying a hunger that words never could.

"Strange as it is, definitions of words seem to escape me at the moment," she mumbled.

Stunned at her sudden inability to provide a suitable response, Severus sighed. "Do you honestly think it's going to work?" he questioned.

"Fingers crossed." She chuckled and crossed her fingers in a playful gesture, relieving some of the tension which had been piling up until then.

Severus smirked. "If you are willing to 'take it slow', I suppose I can manage that as well," he said but his hand twitched. How would he do that when all he wanted was to grab her and hold her there, in his room, by his side until the end of time?

"Well then," Hermione whispered and standing on her toes, placed a quick but chaste kiss on his lips, forcing herself to take several steps away from him afterwards. "I'll let you get some rest. Perhaps, tomorrow, we could have dinner together?" she added, making her way to the door. Severus followed.

"That could be arranged," he replied, opening the door for her.

"Goodnight," Hermione said, her voice trembling . They made the right choice, not rushing into things but the need to touch him was so strong that she felt her skin might jump off her, any minute now.

As though sensing her distress, Severus reached for her hand, his thumb tracing circles on her palm for a few seconds. Then, squeezing it ever so lightly, he brought it to his mouth and kissed it gently. Hermione inhaled deeply and he closed his eyes before releasing her hand again. Slow, take it slow, they'd agreed upon that. He wasn't convinced that a slower pace could be achieved but he would at least make the effort. "Goodnight," he said and she stepped outside, hesitating only for a moment before making her way back to her room. Wondering if a cold shower would help soothe him, Severus reluctantly closed the door.

**A/N: Okay! This took a while to finish, I know, bad me! But I hope this chapter is long enough to help you forgive me for the delay! Thanks, new followers and reviewers! More reviews, please? :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Change of Heart**

**Chapter 22**

Sibyl claimed she had seen it in a cup. Happiness was on the way. She was terribly fond of cups although Severus couldn't see their appeal. She had approached him during breakfast and told him all about seeing things in cups and he had waved her away. He had little to no respect for Divination and that woman's nonsense failed at making it any easier to digest. Did it matter that she was right? No, of course not! Perhaps she'd noticed a change in his stance, noticed his back wasn't as tense as it used to be. Anyone could have seen that. He hoped no one would though. His private matters should remain private, especially since they were so... fluid. Nothing was set in stone and even if Hermione was willing to try, it didn't mean their little experiment would result in success. That wasn't a happy thought and yet he had to keep it in mind.

Hermione had informed McGonagall that she wouldn't be coming to dinner that night. The reason why had been whispered in the old witch's ear and settled with a nod. Whether McGonagall was frustrated or annoyed or even jubilant didn't show on her face. Severus would eat as little as possible and later, join Hermione for dinner in her room. Certainly, that wasn't what she whispered but Severus wondered what her excuse had been. Even though he wasn't too curious about it, it kept him distracted for the most part of the meal and not eating didn't prove to be that much of a problem.

By the time he knocked on Hermione's door, his stomach was growling and he felt deeply embarrassed. She opened the door for him, a smile barely visible on her lips and waited until he was inside, with the door shut behind them, to loosen up and kiss him on the cheek. "Hungry?" she chirped, disappearing behind another door, only to emerge a few seconds later, holding a large tray with several plates on it, filled with meat and baked potatoes and mouth-watering snacks, she'd -no doubt- cooked herself.

"Starving," Severus replied and they sat down to eat.

* * *

><p>He wasn't terribly surprised when Hermione asked him to visit the Weasleys with her. It was the words she'd chosen which caused his eyes to widen in astonishment. "As my... date." After numerous dinners and private meetings, it was about bloody time they made an appearance together. But... the Weasleys? Her date? The thought of refusing crossed his mind but if she wasn't afraid or ashamed to be seen with him, what reason did he have to refuse really? He felt slightly agitated and a tiny bit nauseous but being invited to the Burrow wasn't what caused his stomach to clench. At his acceptance, Hermione's face lit up, a wide smile parted her lips and he was reminded that despite the significant progress made in their relationship, her lips hadn't met his yet. At least not in the way he wanted. He cleared his throat.<p>

"How can you be so sure they want me there?" he asked.

"Well, they did invite you. And Ron assured me that he's fine with it. Besides, I think he's seeing someone, so it won't be as uncomfortable as you fear."

"They don't care about me going, Granger. They want you there and they would do anything to make sure you'd go."

"Here we go again..." Hermione sighed. "Why do you believe that people perceive you as a burden?"

"I don't believe that," he replied, crossing his arms on his chest and turning his head to the side. "I believe that they are prejudiced and foolish!"

Hermione reached up to rub his shoulders, hoping it would calm him and eliminate the tension. It seemed to work. "Trust me, if the Weasleys didn't want you there, they wouldn't have invited you. And they're good people, Severus. Will you give them a chance, please?"

He let his arms drop and turned to look at her. "You were hoping that I would give them a chance?"

"Is it completely out of the question?" she retorted.

"No. No, of course it isn't. I simply thought you were hoping they would give me a chance," he told her. "That you were trying to make them accept **me**, not the other way around."

"Silly man," Hermione said, throwing her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. "I don't have to make them accept you, they already do." She felt his arms wrap around her, squeezing her gently.

"Alright then," Severus said softly. In all honesty, he was too thrilled by the embrace to keep arguing, although spending a few hours at the Burrow didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore.

Two nights later, they arrived at the Burrow which seemed to be pulsing. Severus wondered if all the happy conversations and the laughter would cease once he set foot inside the house. Hermione smiled reassuringly and he tried to mirror her expression, seconds before the door burst open and Molly Weasley beamed at them. "Hermione! Welcome, dear! You too, Severus! Don't just stand there! Come in, come in!" she said and guided them to the dinner table where all the guests were gathered. What Severus found most surprising wasn't that the chatter didn't stop but that people smiled and greeted him warmly, either by waving or coming up to him in order to shake his hand. Hermione was being dragged into hugs and handshakes as well and it all seemed very... normal. He was overwhelmed. Harry approached him and pulled him away so they could exchange a few words before the feast began. Perfect timing, Severus was afraid he'd start sweating soon.

"Seems like I lost a bet tonight," Harry told him.

"Excuse me?"

"I told Ron you wouldn't show up because you can't stand us. He told me you would because you'd do anything for Hermione. We made a bet and I lost, apparently," he explained, grinning.

"Give me some credit, Potter. My feelings towards miss Granger don't affect my every decision," Severus smirked.

"You wanted to come then?" Harry asked, astounded.

"I never said that," Severus replied humorously and took his place at the table next to Hermione.

As soon as every person at the table was done eating, Molly Weasley asked them to move to the living room so that she could clean up the table. Ron and Ginny were the first to run out of the kitchen, dragging Hermione with them, hoping they wouldn't have to help their mother with the dishes. Hermione tried to protest but gave up, giggling. In fact, none of the Weasleys were to be seen and Severus felt bad about the poor woman who had prepared a lovely dinner, left alone to clean up the mess. He offered to help.

"Oh, you don't have to! You can just join the others, I don't mind," Molly told him.

"I am perfectly aware that I don't have to," he said and helped her, whether she wanted his help or not. He didn't notice her smile behind his back.

After a few minutes in silence, Molly sighed. "You know, Severus, Hermione is a nice girl," she said and Severus flinched at the use of the word "girl". If she intended to talk to him about the age difference, he would definitely storm out of the house and never return!

"What is your point? That I should let her be?" he retorted angrily but kept his voice low.

"Of course not! Even if I thought that would be for the best, it wouldn't be my place to say it! Treat her well, that's all I'm saying," she told him and continued cleaning. "And I don't mean that as a threat or even a warning. Just treat her well and be happy together," she finished with a smile.

"I will do my best," he said, bowing his head and exited the room, failing miserably at being annoyed by the woman's meddling.

Joining the group in the living room, the first thing he saw was Ronald's hand resting on Hermione's shoulder, while he looked adoringly at her. Then he leaned in and whispered something in her ear which made her cover her mouth and laugh softly. Severus felt his blood boil inside his veins but didn't show his irritation. He approached them casually and despite Ron's eyes narrowing for a moment, the young man included Severus in the conversation as though they were old friends.

An hour passed but as they had to return to the castle soon, Hermione and Severus said their goodbyes before anyone else did and assured the Weasleys they would be delighted to see them again soon. Harry waved at them from across the room, too enchanted by Ginny to see them off properly. Severus, knowing what love was like, wasn't the least bit annoyed by Potter's behaviour and neither was Hermione of course, because she knew she would see her friend soon enough.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" Hermione asked Severus once they'd entered his chambers.

"It was better than I expected," he growled in response.

"Something's wrong. I can tell, so why don't you come out and say it?" she told him, slightly agitated.

"Nothing is wrong, Granger."

"There's no sense in trying to convince me of that when I can see on your face that something's bothering you!" she exclaimed.

"Are you sure the Weasley boy is seeing someone?" he spat. "Because he couldn't seem to keep his hands off you!"

"What? When did that happen? Where was I?" Hermione inquired.

"Oh, you don't remember? Perhaps you were too busy laughing at his jokes to notice."

"Since when is laughing at people's jokes reprehensible, Severus?"

"It isn't. I am sorry for snapping at you," he said, rubbing his temples and collapsed in his chair. "Terribly sorry."

"I really don't understand what the problem is. You know there's nothing going on between me and Ron. Why are you so upset?" Hermione said, her voice softening.

"May I be frank?" he asked and raised his eyes to her.

"Of course!"

Severus sighed. "I miss you."

"Darling, how can you miss me? I'm right here!" she told him and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Yes, you are. And shortly, you will walk out of the door, back to your room."

"Would you like me to stay?" Hermione said and pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Would you like to stay?"

"You know I hate it when you reply with a question," she retorted, her lips now on his cheek.

"Would you like to stay?" he repeated, stressing each word.

Her lips carved a trail to his neck. "What does it look like to you?" she told him, pecking at the tender skin.

Severus threw his head back, allowing himself to relish the warmth of her kisses. It was a victory and a defeat at the same time; he had won her back yet he was also her hostage. A willing hostage but a hostage nonetheless. His palms burned with the desire to touch her and before long, he was pulling her hair, exposing her throat, covering it with kisses. Hermione gasped and moaned, letting him do as he pleased. Soon after, they were making their way to the bed, not caring where their clothes landed as they tossed them blindly around the room.

It had happened before, yes, but spending the night with him, felt like an entirely new experience.

**A/N: Happy now, lovelies? I am anxiously awaiting your reviews! :)**


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